


A Fire Love

by tinyginger



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Andy Darden is in it sometimes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, Hurt Casey, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Oops, Past Abuse, Severide and Casey are happy and in love most of the time, Severide doesn't rape Casey, Shay doesn't die, Shay is alive she is well and she is going to steal all your girls, he dies, hes not a main character tho, there is a couple original characters cuz I needed a bad guy for Casey's ex sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-01-06 10:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 36,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12209490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyginger/pseuds/tinyginger
Summary: Casey and Severide love each other, but things keep getting in the way. Casey's past comes back to haunt him. Severide is pissed at Casey's ex for abuse and other stuff. They both are struggling with the death of Andy. But all is well because they love each other.





	1. Beginnings

When Matthew Casey was sick, upset, or hurt he got clingy. He would steal clothing, curl up in blankets, and turn into a cuddly cat. When Kelly came home from having beers with Andy after shift and found Matt curled up on their couch, wearing Kelly's academy sweatshirt, and reading a book. 

"Kelly." Matt smiled as he put his book down. 

"Hey, you still not feeling good?" Kelly asked as he sat down on the couch near Matt's feet. 

"I'm fine." Matt sighed and moved so he could lay his head on Kelly's lap. "How's Andy?" 

"He's good, he's excited for us to be in the same firehouse." Kelly smiled. 

"That's good. It'll be good to have some one there to have your back." Matt said. 

"Matt, you're going to be at 51 in no time, Andy put in a good word for you. I'm going to put in a good word for you. And your achievements alone will get you a spot no doubt." Kelly smiled and kissed his forehead. "You're warm."

"Babe, I'm hot not warm. You suck at flirting." Matt smirked. 

"No. I mean you have a fever." Kelly chuckled. "But you are hot Matt, hotter than the fires we fight." 

"Then you should probably get me to the hospital 'cause I don't want to combust." Matt said. 

"Matt!" Kelly scolded. "I was flirting with you this time!" 

"How were you ever a serial romantic?" Matt laughed. 

"Most of the people I hit on knew they were being flirted with." Kelly hung his head. 

"You're adorable baby." 

As the months progressed they grew closer. Matt learned that when Kelly hid something from him it was usually because he was either trying to protect Matt, or it was because Kelly was scared. Kelly learned that Matt was more stubborn than he had originally thought, but stubborn in a self sacrificing/self bettering way. But, because they were both so stubborn it they found it easier for them to fall into an argument about stupid things. Andy usually was s mediator for these arguments. 

One day they walked into the fire house completely serious with five feet of space between them. No laughing, no talking, just glares and scoffs. 

"What's up with them?" Herman asked as he glanced at the candidates.

"I'll go find out." Andy clapped a hand on Herman's shoulder. 

Andy walked over to where Casey and Severide were just walking into the kitchen and put his arms around their shoulders. 

"Hey boys." 

"Andy." Casey smiled politely.

"Fuck off Draden." Severide growled shrugging his friends arm off his shoulder. 

"Fine Kelly, why don't I just use our boy here to do it?" Andy called as Severide walked away. 

Severide threw his hands in the air and yelled angrily. "You can have him!" 

Andy felt Casey tense at Severide's words, and gripped him tighter. 

"Hey, you okay?" Andy whispered.

When Casey didn't answer Andy glanced around the room and saw most people saw what had happened. Everyone was watching Casey. Andy could feel his young friend trembling and wasn't sure what to do at first. He couldn't take him to the locker room, that's where Severide was. So Andy decided to take him to the Ambo. It's quite, Shay and Dawson are nice. Yes the Ambo is good. 

"Come on Matt." Andy said as he lead him out to the Ambulance.

"What's going on?" Dawson asked once they reached the Ambo. 

"Mind if we sit in here for a while?" Andy asked. 

"Of course." Shay said taking over. "Matt, what happened?" 

"Kelly... I... it's over isn't it?" Matt looked over to Shay and Shay shook her head. 

"No sweetie." Shay glanced over to Andy. "You know how you guys are. It's going to be okay." 

Dawson looked at the candidate and realized he looked so young. He was so young. There were rumors going around that he was one of the youngest candidates 51 had ever had, but those were just rumors, and twenty could be young right? But he looked so young. Like he should still be in high school. 

"Shay..." Casey considered what he was going to say for a moment. "After shift, can I come stay with you?" 

"Of course." Shay leaned forward and kissed his forehead. "You know I'll always be here for you." 

"Kelly will probably need you Andy." Casey told Andy as he started to compose himself. 

"Casey, you and Kelly aren't over." Andy said firmly." 

"We are..." Casey hung his head. "It's okay. My fault." 

"Shh... forget that right now. Just get through this shift, then you and I will go back to my place and eat a bunch of junk, watch a bunch of trash movies, listen to disco music and dance around in our underwear. How's that sound?" Shay asked. 

"It sounds perfect. Thanks Shay.

"Andy, will you go check on Kelly?" Casey asked softly. 

"Of course." Andy smiled. "Hang in there buddy." 

Dawson gave Shay a look that said "we need to talk". Shay responded with nod and smiled at Casey. 

"You can hang out here as long as you need Case." Shay said. "Dawson and I are going to go change our tampons. Do you need anything before we go?" 

"No I'm fine." Casey chuckled lightly. 

"Alright, we'll be right back." Shay smiled. 

Shay and Dawson exited the Ambo and walked a few paces from the rig. 

"How old is he?" Dawson asked. 

"What?" 

"How old is Matthew Casey?" Dawson asked again. "He looks sixteen." 

"Well he's not that young." Shay said. 

"Shay." 

"Okay, he's going to be twenty." Shay said. 

"When is he going to be twenty?" Dawson asked. 

"Six... months." Shay winced. 

"You're joking." Dawson shooter her head in disbelief. "He's a child." 

"He's an adult." Shay countered. 

"He can't legally buy bear." Dawson near yelled. "For two years!" 

"Okay, okay. Listen I told Kelly all these things, but he's a great kid and so mature and honestly Kelly is no more mature than he is." Shay said. 

"That's why I'm worried about him." Dawson said. 

"I know." Shay nodded. 

"Is this why you're always looking out for him?" Dawson asked. 

"I guess, but I like him too you know. He's such a great guy, an amazing friend." Shay sighed. "He's so good for Kelly, but I'm not sure Kelly is good for him." 

"You mother him, you know that right." Dawson smirked. 

"I fully accept that." Shay smiled. "I must return to my son." 

With that Shay walked back to the Ambo and sat with Casey until he calmed down and was happier. 

Most of shift was pretty uneventful. They had one call, a car crash, no casualties, minor injuries. The call was quick, no mess ups, it was seamless. When they got back to the firehouse Casey disappeared. 

Severide was looking for him, he needed to talk to him. Severide walked over to Mouch and cleared his throat. 

"Hey, have you seen Case anywhere?" Severide asked.

"Not since we got back." Mouch said coldly. 

"Will you let me know if you see him?" Severide asked.

"Sure." Mouch shrugged. 

"Thanks."

Just as Severide entered the locker room to look for Casey, Casey walked out. They paused for a moment. Severide enemy to say something but then the alarms went off. They all loaded on to the rigs and headed to the fire. It was a restaurant fire that had spread to the neighboring building. 

Casey followed Herman through the building, searching for people, they hadn't found anyone and were heading back when part of the roff collapsed. 

"Herman! Casey!" The Chief called over the radio. "What's going on?" 

"Roof collapsed." Herman said. "I lost sight of Casey."

Severide's heart dropped. "Casey." 

"Kelly! They'll find him." Shay said pushing in his chest so he wouldn't go back in. 

"Casey! Report!" Boden called over radio. "Casey!" 

Everyone was silent. 

"Casey!" Severide cried desperately.

"Herman can you get out of there?" Boden asked. 

"Can't leave my boy sir." Herman said.

"Herman-" Boden was cut off by Severide. 

"You've got a family to think about Herman." Severide said tears streaming freely down his face. "If you can get out then do it." 

Casey's PASS alarm had started going off and Herman couldn't take it anymore he couldn't leave Casey there. He took a chair that was broken in many pieces and used some of it to try and move some of the debris from where the roof had collapsed. 

"Herman!" Boden yelled through the radio. 

"I found him!" Herman yelled. "I've got his hand!" 

Severide let out a sob and gripped Shay. Andy was standing next to him and put his hand on his back. 

"Darden, Mouch, go." Chief said. "Get the water ready. "Shay, Dawson, get ready for Casey." 

It felt like hours before Severide saw Casey being carried from the fire. His legs felt weak as he watch a limp Casey being placed on a gurney. Burns coved his body, blood, and ash covered the rest. He was unconscious, and possibly not alive. 

"Kelly!" Shay yelled as they started to load Casey into ambulance. "Come on!" 

Severide nodded and jumped in after them. He sat and watched as Dawson inserted IVs, attached monitors, and attempted to stop bleeding. 

"Matt." Kelly whispered. 

"He's going to be okay." Dawson said. "Hold his hand." 

Kelly did as he was told and Matt's limp hand in his own. 

"Shay! How much longer?" Dawson called after listening to something in his chest. Either his lungs, or heart. 

"Two minutes!" Shay called back. 

"Lung collapsed." Dawson called. 

Shay stopped the Ambo and looked back at her partner. "Don't think just do it." 

Dawson nodded and stabbed the needle into Casey's chest. There was a sudden hissing sound and Shay smiled as Dawson let out a breath. 

"I did it." Dawson said. 

"Good. You did good." Shay smiled. And started the Ambo again and sped toward the hospital. 

"Matty." Kelly leaned forward and kissed Matt's hand.

"He's okay Severide." Dawson said. 

"We're taking care of him Kelly." Shay said as she pulled into the Hospital. "Get ready Dawson." 

"You gotta help us Severide." Dawson told him.

Kelly nodded. 

"Kelly!" Shay called using a voice that broke through Kelly's thoughts. "When I stop, I'm going to run around and open the doors, you are going to help Dawson make sure everything stays attached to Matt. Make sure he is not jostled too much when we get him out of the Ambo." 

"Yeah okay." Kelly nodded. 

"Good." Shay nodded. 

"You won't be able to go too far, but you will stay with us okay?" Dawson said. 

"Okay." Severide nodded. 

"Alright let's go." Shay said. 

Kelly watched as the doctors took Matt away.  They had said something about emergency surgery and to page cardio, and ortho, and a bunch of their things Shay would explain would explain later.

Kelly sat in the waiting room with Shay and Dawson still in his turnout gear. Tear stains still wet on his cheeks, his hair, face, and clothes covered in ash and Casey's blood. He looked down at his hands and saw the blood and started to shake. 

"Kelly, come on, lets go get you cleaned up." Shay said pulling him up from his chair and leading him to the woman's bathroom.

She leaned him against the counter and started to grab paper towels. A women walked in with a baby and gasped. Shay rolled her eyes and ignored her, because Shay didn't have time for people who couldn't share bathrooms.

"Do you need some wet wipes?" The woman asked. 

"Yes." Shay nodded. "Thank you." 

"No problem." The woman said handing over the whole container. "Let me know if you need anything else." 

Shay nodded and went to work wiping the blood off of Kelly. 

"Kel, how you feeling?" Shay asked when she noticed he was turning pale and trembling. "Kelly!" 

"Wha?" 

"How are you feeling?" Shay asked. 

"Where's Casey?" Kelly mumbled. 

"Is he okay?" The woman asked. 

"Yeah, he's just worried about his boyfriend." Shay down played it more for Kelly's sake than anyone else's. "He was in an accident but Matt's going to be just fine. Isn't that right Kelly?" 

Kelly just nodded numbly.

"Here darling." The woman pulled out some trail mix from her bag. "Eat this, you look a bit light headed." 

"Thank you." Shay said after a few moments of Kelly saying nothing. 

"It's no problem really." The woman smiled. "I'll be praying for you and Matt." 

"Thank you." Kelly finally mumbled. 

"Eat, it'll make you feel better." The woman smiled before going to change her son's diaper.  

Shay continued to wash the ash and blood off of Kelly as he ate the trail mix. 

"Okay, I think I've got you as clean I can. You need a shower and a change of clothes, but we can worry about that once we get an update on Matt." Shay told him as she washed her hands. "Can I have a raisin?" 

Kelly held the bag of trail mix out her. 

"Thanks Shay." He said softly. 

"I'd do anything for you." Shay smiled and put her arm around him as they exited the bathroom. 

"Shay, Kelly." Boden greeted when they walked back to the waiting room. Everyone was there now. 

"Update?" Kelly asked. 

"Nothing yet." Dawson shook her head. 

"He's going to be fine Kelly." Shay said as she lead him to a chair. 

They sat there for a long time. Long enough for the sun to go down, and visiting hours to be over. But still they waited. Doctors would come out and tell them Casey was still in surgery, but stable every hour. Each hour seemed to make Kelly's hope plummet just a bit more. 

"Kelly, Heather is going to drop by with some food, and a change of clothes for you, do you want or need anything else?" Andy asked pulling Kelly out of his thoughts. 

Kelly looked at his friend for a moment. Then blinked a couple times. "Uh... Matt will need his tooth brush. And a sweatshirt or something warm like a blanket, and a book. He likes to read when he isn't feeling well."

Everyone looked to the friends, giving uncertain looks, but Andy didn't hesitate.  

"Okay, I'll have heather bring those things for Matt." Andy nodded. "How about I have her grab your toothbrush as well?" 

"Yeah okay." Kelly nodded. 

"Good okay." Andy smiled. "Hang in there man." 

"Thanks." Kelly mumbled. 

It's wasn't long before Heather showed up wth food, and the things Kelly had requested. 

"Hey Kelly." Heather smiled sadly as she knelt next to him. "How you doing?" 

"I- I don't know..." Kelly sighed.

"It's okay." Heather nodded. "Do you know how he is?" 

"They keep saying he is in surgery... he's stable." Kelly told her. "I don't want to lose him." 

"I know." Heather pulled Kelly into her arms and hugged him tight. "I know." 

They all sat around the waiting room and ate the food Heather had brought. Some had to leave because they had families to go home to, or jobs they needed to get ready for, but most stayed or promised to come back with more food or coffee. Herman sat quietly thinking about what had happened that day. It could have been him. His wife sat next to him, holding his hand, and giving him support. Herman needed Casey to be okay, they all did. 

"Kelly." Andy said as the doctor walked out toward them.  

"Is he okay?" Kelly asked as the doctor came and sat down. 

"The surgeries went well, they are now trying to wake him up." The doctor told them. 

"When can I see him?" Kelly asked. 

"Soon." The doctor told him. "I'll have someone come get you." 

"Thank you." Kelly let out a breath and Andy grabbed his shoulders. 

"Our boy is alright." Andy smiled. 

When Kelly finally was allowed to see Matt, Andy went with him. They walked into the small ICU room and stopped in their tracks. He looked so young. So much younger than he acts. He looked sixteen. Kelly was shocked for a moment by the the innocent and youthful looking man that lay in the hospital. That was the first thing he noticed. The second thing he noticed was the tubes that were hooked to machines that were monitoring his vitals, giving him blood, giving him medicine, morphine, oxygen, allowing him to pee, and more wires that Kelly wasn't sure what they did. The third thing he noticed was the bandages, and wounds. Matt's head had gauze wrapped around it, with what looked like red paint showing through. Though, it wasn't paint... non of it was paint... it was blood. The same blood that had been on Kelly's hands earlier. There were small bandages covering wounds on Matt's face, along with visible bruising and burns. The part of his chest that wasn't covered by the blanket was covered in gauze, along with most of his left arm, right arm and hand. 

"Kelly." Matt's voice was quiet and hoarse, but he still had a smile on his wounded face when he saw the two most important people in his life. "Andy"

"Hey kid." Andy smiled taking charge so Kelly could get his bearings. "How you feeling?" 

"My body hurts." Matt's answered.

"Well it should, a roof fell on you." Andy smirked trying to keep things light.

"That's what happened." Matt nodded somewhat unsure. 

"You don't remember?" Kelly asked. 

"Not really."Matt shrugged. "The doctor said I might have some trouble remember things, because... of something with brain." 

"Concussion?" Andy asked then glanced to Kelly.

"Don't know." Kelly shrugged. "Do you have a concussion Matt?"

"Probably, a roof fell on me." Matt replied. 

They sat and talked for a while longer, Kelly telling Matt about everyone who was there for him, and what Heather brought for him. Matt was nodding in and out of sleep so Andy and Kelly were going to go and tell everyone how he was doing when Matt stopped them. 

"Kelly, I'm sorry." He said nearly in tears. 

"What? Matty, don't cry." Kelly looked to Andy for some help, Andy picked up Matt's medical chart and started reading over the injuries. 

"I'm sorry!" Matt cried harder as Kelly ran his fingers through Matt's hair. 

"Shh... it's okay, you're okay." Kelly was at a loss for words. 

"Kelly... I messed up." Matt said finally looking him in the eyes. "I'm sorry." 

"You're sorry about what?" Kelly asked softly. 

"I was too late." Matt said. "Our fight, you were right. I should have just taken a shift off and gone to the doctor... I'm sorry Kelly." 

"Sh... this isn't your fault." Kelly sighed. "You didn't know this was going to happen." 

"But if I would have listened to you..." Matt couldn't continue, he started sobbing. 

"Sh..." Kelly tried to soothe Matt the best he could without taking him into his arms and risking hurting him even more. 

"Kel..." Andy called softly when he found what Matt was talking about. 

Kelly looked at Andy and waited for an answer. "What Darden?" 

"His file says "miscarriage". God, I'm so sorry kiddo." Andy said sitting on bed next to Matt. 

"I'm sorry!" Matt kept sobbing. 

"Matty, stop it. It's not your fault." Kelly said. "Just calm down." 

"I-I can't stop crying." Matt stuttered leaning forward as much as he could and clutching Kelly's arm. 

"Okay, just take a deep breath." Andy told him as he rubbed his shoulder. 

The three friends stayed like that for a while. It wasn't unusual for the three to comfort each other. They were stronger together. Kelly and Matt loved each other in a romantic way sure, but before that they were soul mates in the same way Kelly and Andy were soul mates and Matt and Andy were soul mates. They were all best friends. Their souls were intertwined, and they were family. 

It broke Andy's heart to hear the desperate, broken sobs of Matthew Casey, a man who was strong, stubborn, and his little brother. The kid was also young, too young in Andy's opinion, especially for someone like Kelly. And Matt was certainly too young for this to happen to him. Andy looked at Kelly Severide, a man who was equally stubborn as he was caring, and he was his best friend and brother. Kelly was trying to hold it together for Matt, he was trying to be strong, but Andy could tell Kelly was lost. 

They stayed there for as long as it took for Matt to stop sobbing. Kelly and Andy didn't care how long it was, they needed to be there for him. 

"I'm sorry." Matt said quietly.

"Stop." Andy said. "You don't have to be sorry." 

"You're okay Matt." Kelly gave him a smile. "We're okay." 

Matt nodded and kissed Kelly's hand. "We're okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fic. Uh... I don't own Chicago Fire. Ya... update soon:)


	2. Lieutenant Boyfriends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a couple months after the first chapter.

Once Casey was out of the hospital it didn't take long for him to come back to the fire house. After that things started looking up for everyone. Both Casey and Severide started to advance in their careers. Severide moved to Squad, Casey became one of the youngest lieutenants ever at 51, Severide became lieutenant on Squad, Darden's boys were starting school. It was all looking good for the three friends. 

"So how does it feel to be 51's power couple?" Andy asked one night as he, Kelly and Matt  drank some beers on the back patio. 

"I wouldn't call us a power couple." Matt glanced to Kelly. 

"Yeah, we're more... Lieutenant boyfriends." Kelly smirked. 

"I like that." Andy chuckled. "Lieutenant boyfriends." 

"Crap. That's going to be all over the fire house next shift." Kelly sighed. 

"Good going Kel." Matt smacked Kelly's arm lightly.  

"Everyone adores you guys." Andy told them. "And it's not just because you guys are the lieutenant boyfriends." 

"Really?" Matt shook his head. 

"It just works so well." Andy laughed. 

They laughed about that all night long. And Kelly was right, it was all over the fire house the next shift - everyone was calling them them "Lieutenant Boyfriends", labeling their stuff, even leaving name tags with "Lieutenant Boyfriend Truck and Squad" on their lockers- they didn't mind though. They found it hilarious actually. 

One day though, it stopped being so funny. Casey and Darden were out getting drinks after doing some volunteer construction work for a grandmother who always brought homemade treats to the firehouse. They were both going to hang out for a while until their significant others were finished with taking the Darden kids to the zoo. Suddenly a man, bigger than Casey by a could inches, and a lot of pounds pushed the lieutenant into a wall. 

"Where's your boyfriend?" The man yelled. 

Casey was shocked and didn't react at first, pain radiating from his back and head. 

"Come on fireman! Where's your faggot boyfriend?" The man yelled again.

"Hey!" Darden yelled pulling the man off of Casey. 

"Oh so you got yourself a new fuck toy now I see." The intoxicated man winked at Casey. "Guess you can get just about anyone can't you?" 

"That's enough." Darden growled.

"Alec is better off without a piece of shit like you!" The man spit at Casey and stumbled away. 

"Hey Lieutenant, you alright?" Barry the bartender asked once the man left. 

"I'm fine Barry." Casey nodded as Barry handed him and Darden a beer each, telling them it was on the house. 

"What was that about?" Darden asks. 

"Angry, homophobic, older brother of an ex." Casey stated simply as he downed the beer. 

That night he drank. He drank so much Andy had to help him to Kelly's car. Somehow in the ride from Barry's Bar to Kelly and Matt's apartment, Matt became drunker. So much so, that Kelly and Andy were practically carrying him into the apartment. 

"Yooou... yougu-uuuys are thebesss." Matt slurred before going unconscious. 

"Just lay him on couch." Kelly told Andy as they dragged the limp Lieutenant across the apartment floor. 

"Jesus Casey." Andy sighed as they let him flop onto the couch. 

"Damn babe. What happened to you?" Kelly asked looking down at his passed out boyfriend. 

"He got roughed up a bit." Andy said softly. 

"He what? By who?" Kelly was angry. 

"Come on, lets go in the other room and I'll tell you what happened." Andy said as he grabbed Kelly's wrist and dragged him to the kitchen and started to make some coffee. 

"So what happened?" 

"A guy was in the bar, and I guess he heard Case and I talking, or maybe he heard Barry call Casey's name when we walked in, I don't know. But we were having some drinks, playing darts, like we do, and suddenly this drunk off his fucking ass guy is slamming Casey against a wall and yelling in his face." Andy said. 

"Why?" Kelly wasn't sure if he wanted to cry or punch something. 

"You. He kept demanding to know where Casey's boyfriend was." Andy sighed. "He said some things. Damn Kel, some of the things he said hurt me." 

"Like?" Kelly was worried now. 

"I don't know Man, it wasn't a long conversation, but it was loud. I don't remember all of it." Andy sighed. 

"What do you remember?" 

"I remember one of the first things he said after pushing Casey into the wall was... "where's our faggot boyfriend" and he kept calling him "fireman" but like it wasn't nice, it sounded like a bad thing the way he was saying it, like it was a or something. He said something about Casey being able to get anyone, and me being his new fuck toy because I tried to break up whatever was happening between this man and Casey. Then he said that Alec is better off without a pice of shit like him. And he walked out." Andy sighed. "Then Casey said something about an angry, brother of ex who is a homophobe..." 

"Damn it!" Kelly slammed his fiat on to the counter. "Why is he back?"

"Who?" Andy asked concerned at his friend's reaction. 

"Alec and his asshole brother Wayne." Kelly shook his head and glanced to Matt who was still passed out on the couch. "Alec is Matt's ex, he was in the same year as Matt in high school. He's a jerk, and hurt Matt physically and mentally but the real problem is his brother Wayne." 

"The guy at the bar?" Andy questioned. 

"Yeah." Kelly nodded. "I met Matt when he started fire fighting training, we were in the academy together, but he was still in high school an still dating that asshole Alec. But he didn't love him, he didn't even like him, he was just scared to leave him."

"Scared to leave who?" Shay asked as she walked in the door. "You're not leaving Casey are you?"

"No.... Wayne showed up at Barry's earlier." Kelly sighed. 

"Shit." Shay looked over to where the young lieutenant was sleeping. "What does that asshole want?" 

"Don't know, don't care." Kelly growled. "I just want Alec and Wayne to stay away."

Kelly walked over to Matt and sat next to him. He moved his lover's feet and repositioned them on his lap and turned on the tv. 

"Is he going to be okay?" Andy asked. 

"I'll make sure he's fine." Shay nodded. "Go home Andy,  I hear the boys are excited to tell you about the zoo." 

"Keep me in the loop with these two." Andy smiled. 

"Will do." Shay kissed his cheek and walked over to sit in the living room with Matt and Kelly as Andy left. 

The following hours weren't easy for anyone. Andy had to go home and explain to Heather what was going on, Kelly and Shay had to make sure Matt got some fluids in him and didn't die from dehydration or choking on his own vomit. Matt was confused, upset, and puking all night, and they were all on edge about what Wayne and Alec were going to do. But no one talked about the night at the bar, no one really wanted to say anything out loud about Alex ad Wayne. It would be like saying Voldemort. It would give power to something they already fear. If they don't talk about, it's not a threat. So they go on, business as usual. 

 

A few days later Kelly woke up with Matt snuggled close to him it was cold in the apartment, so much colder than it should be. Kelly threw his arm around Matt, but instead of his arm wrapping around his boyfriend and pulling him tighter, his hand hit something softer than he was used to. Kelly peaked over Matt's head and saw their best friend and roommate Leslie Shay cuddled up next to Matt. She must have gotten too cold on her won. Kelly smiled to himself and snuggled closer to Matt. He enjoyed his little family. 

"Kelly! Turn off the damn alarm!" Shay yelled waking Kelly up an hour later. 

"God Shay." Kelly grumbled but did as he was told. 

"The heating is broken again." Matt mumbled as he staid laying between his boyfriend and roommate. 

"I'll call Jill, see what's going on." Shay said. 

"Does she still like you?" Matt asked turning to look at Shay. 

Shay glared at her friend. "Yes." 

"Even after that awful date." Kelly chuckled. 

"And me never calling? Yeah." 

"You never called?" Matt questioned. "She's owns the building." 

"Yeah well, she's boring." Shay sighed. 

"Don't break her heart Shay, we may get evicted." Kelly smirked. 

"Go fuck your self Severide." Shay threw a pillow at the squad Lieutenant's head. 

"No Kelly fuck me." Matt whined.

"Ugh! You boys are gross! Gross boys!" Shay said walking out of the room, all of them laughingly. 

"Hey." Kelly smiled as he leaned over to kiss Matt. "Morning." 

"Good morning to you." Matt smiled.

Their shift didn't start until later that day so Kelly volunteered to go grocery shopping while Matt and Shay waited for Jill to come check their heating. Shay claimed she didn't want to be alone with Jill. And Kelly didn't want Matt going anywhere alone after that run in with Wayne. 

Shortly after Kelly left Jill showed up and started flirting with Shay. Matt cut in by shivering and asking Shay where he extra blankets were. 

"Oh Matthew, I'm sorry, I'll get this heating fix right away." Jill sighed, she had a soft spot for the young firefighter. "I heard that you were in the hospital a while back. You don't need to be cold right now. Especially after-"

"Thanks Jill." Shay said cutting the woman off. "Come on Case, lets go get you warm." 

It was no secret that Casey had been in the hospital, or that he had been pregnant. Jill was friends with a lot of the nurses at the hospital and probably found out through them, or even found out through someone connect to the firehouse. It wasn't in heard of for news like this to spread like a wildfire. People loved Matthew Casey and they hurt for him, they felt sorry for him, so they talked about that hurt with other people. 

Jill left saying the repairs were free of charge and both blondes thanked her. When Shay and Matt were finally alone Matt let out a breath and let a tear fall down his face. 

"Matt... what's wrong?" Shay asked as she sat next to him on the couch. 

"Nothing, just stuff." 

"Okay well tell me this stuff and I will help you." Shay said. 

"Really it's fine." 

"Is it about Alec and Wayne?" She pressed. 

"Partly." Matt shrugged. 

"Is it about the baby?" She said softer. 

Matt didn't say anything, just nodded and cried harder. 

"Okay, come here." She pulled him into a hug and ran her fingers through his hair. "You have every right to be emotional about this. Losing a child is hard, it's impossible, I am so sorry Matt. You need to tell Kelly what you're feeling though, okay? Because you can't keep waiting till he leaves to cry into a pillow. Odds are he's feeling the same way." 

"Really? He's feeling like it's all his fault?" Matt snapped. "Like he's a selfish bastard who killed our baby because he didn't want to take one day off of work?" 

"Matt it's not your fault." Shay said nearly in tears herself. "You didn't know." 

"But I did know! Or at least I knew it was a possibility!" Matt was standing and pacing now. "We had a fight that morning remember? The fight was about that! He wanted me to go to the doctor! He said "what if your pregnant Matty" and you know how I responded?" 

"No Matt, I don't." Shay said softly. 

"I said it didn't matter." Matt shook his head. "I knew the symptoms! Hell I knew I was pregnant before he told me I should go to the doctor! But I couldn't!" 

"Why?" Shay had tears streaming down her face now. 

"Because of that asshole Alec!" Matt yelled. "He ruined me!" 

"Casey, what are you talking about?" Kelly asked as he walking into the apartment, grocery bags in his hand. 

"I- when... how much didn't you hear?" Matt asked stumbling for words. 

"Matt, just tell me." Kelly said abandoning the groceries in the counter. "What did Alec do to you?" 

"Kel-" 

"Matt!" Kelly yelled then calmed himself. "Please, just tell me, what did he do to you? What happened?"

"Start from the beginning Matt." Shay said softly trying to mediate in some way. 

"You know the story Kelly, I was fifteen, no parents, and fell through the cracks in the foster system." Matt tried to take a deep breath but it came as more of a sob. 

"What did he do to you?" Kelly was practically begging. 

"He knocked me up okay!" Matt yelled. "I was fifteen, I don't know if it was his or Wayne's. They didn't want it. Told me I was a slut, a whore, a waste of a pretty face. They kicked me! Stabbed me! Tried to get rid of it themselves. I couldn't-"

Kelly stepped toward Matt to take him into his arms but Matt flinched. Kelly was shocked by Matt's reaction, as was Matt. Matt never reacted that way the Kelly, Kelly was his safe place. 

"Matty..." 

"Why'd you make me do that!" Matt sobbed as he crumbled into Kelly's arms. "Why'd you make me relive that?" 

"I'm so sorry Matty." Kelly cried into Matt's hair. "Thank you for telling me." 

"You asshole! Why'd you have to come home? I was fine." Matt sobbed harder. 

"Shh... Matty, I've got you." 

"I killed our baby." Matt sobbed. 

"No, no you didn't." Kelly grabbed Matt by his shoulders and made him look him in the eyes. "This is not your fault, none of this is. It was an accident, and before, that was done to you. Okay? None of this is your fault." 

"Kel... our baby." Matt cried into Kelly's chest.

"I know." Kelly held Matt for a long time, long enough for Matt to stop crying and try hiccuping. 

"Come on Matt, let's get you some water." Shay said softly as she led him to the kitchen. 

"Thanks Shay." Matt hiccuped as he walked with her, hand in hand, to their kitchen. 

Kelly then ran a hand down his face and texted Andy that they needed to talk. Then walked into the kitchen to check on his boyfriend.

"Hey Matt, I know this is a very personal thing, and I feel very honored to be privy to your personal life, but you know who could probably help you and would be just as honored as I am to help you? Andy." Shay winked at Kelly knowing Kelly wanted to ask Matt but didn't know how. 

"Yeah, it's okay if he knows. I just don't want to tell him." Matt said. "And I don't want to whole fire house to know." 

"No. Of course not." Kelly nodded and kissed Matt's forehead. "I'll make sure he knows what he needs to know babe." 

"Thanks Kelly." Matt kissed his hand leaned against him. 

"I love you." Kelly whispered. 

"Love you too." Matt said softly.

Shift that day was hard. Kelly told Andy what had happened that morning and what Matt had said. Andy was shocked, heartbroken for his friend, and pissed at the assholes that did this to him. 

Shay watched her three boys as they did their job, hung out, talked with the rest of the house. They were on edge, Kelly was worried, Andy was pissed, and Matt was quiet. She decided then mother Shay was going to have to step on. 

"Okay boys, we're taking a vacation." Shay smiled as they walked out of the house at the end of shift. 

"Vacation?" Matt asked. 

"Yes my young Casey. A vacation." Shay nodded. "The four of us are going to take some time off, and relax."

"Heather is taking the boys to see her mother at the end of the month, I'm a free man then." Andy smiled. 

"Sounds good to me." Matt nodded.

"Tell me when and where." Kelly agreed.

"Great." Shay smiled and clapped her hands. "This is going to be so much fun." 

As they were walking Shay stopped them one more time. "Andy!" 

"Leslie." Andy smirked. 

"I need you to take Kel out tomorrow." Shay told him. "It's a Saturday take the boys to the zoo, or the movies, or some place fun, give Heather a day off, spend some time with your kids but take Kelly with you." 

"Okay..." Andy nodded slowly. 

"Shay? What's this about?" Kelly asked. 

"Casey promised me a fun day." Shay smirked at the blonde. "And I'm cashing in." 

"Oh yeah." A smile broke out on Matt's face. "I forgot we were going to do that." 

"Tomorrow babe." Shay chuckled. "It's going to be epic." 

"I'm actually really excited." Matt's genuine smile was enough for both Kelly and Andy to stop asking questions and just plan to take the boys to the aquarium, zoo, and movies. 

"I'll see you tomorrow then Severide." Andy smiled. 

"Thank you Andy!" Shay called as they walked to Matt's truck.

Matt climbs into the driver's seat of the truck and waits for his lover and room mate to get in as well. They we busy joking about something and Shay ended up in a headlock while tickling Kelly's side. 

"Hey! If you two want a ride home get in." Matt chuckled at the two friends. 

 

"Yes dad." They both pouted and untangled themselves. 

Shay sat between the two lovers and played with the radio as they drove home. It was a regular Occurrence for her to put herself in the middle of her boys. Not to separate them, or to be the center of attention, though they would both argue it was for all the attention, but the real reason was because it was where she felt the most love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So basically ya... oh there will be a happy ending don't worry. I probs should have put that in the tags.... idk. But ya. K hope you liked it. I'll update soon:)


	3. Mega Epic Fun Day

In the morning Leslie  came bouncing into Kelly an Matt's room and jumped into their bed, landing across them in a fit of laughter. 

"Wake up my gays." She laughed as Kelly groaned. 

"You are too peppy for the morning." Kelly complained. 

"I made coffee, Andy and the boys will be here soon, we are all going to go out to the Pancake House for breakfast, then you guys are going to go have a fun day with the boys and Casey and I are going to have a fun day together." Leslie smiled. 

"Well good to know you've got it all planed out." Kelly smiled. 

"I'm excited." Matt chuckled as he moved some of Leslie's hair from his mouth. "Today is going to be fun." 

"Get dressed Kel!" Leslie commanded. 

"Why are you yelling at him to get dressed?" Kelly complained.

"We are going in our pjs." Leslie smiled. "It's the first step in our mega epic fun day."

"Awesome." Matt smirked as Kelly pouted.

Kelly got ready while Leslie took Matt up to her room and showed him the pjs she had bought for them hid for this day. Both were black plaid bottoms. Matt's shirt was black and said "Lets get one thing straight, I'm not", and Leslie's was black and said "Nobody Knows I'm Gay". As Matt admired the shirts he laughed. 

"These are amazing Shay." 

"Thank you very much." Leslie bowed and started to change into hers. "I thought you would like it." 

"I love it." Matt smiled as he changed into his as well. "Thank you so much." 

"Honestly Case, you don't need to thank me." Leslie became very serious as she stood in front of him both of them wearing barley any clothing. "You're one of my best friends, and seeing you smile and laugh, that's all I need." 

"I love you Shay, you know that right." Matt said as he pulled her into a tight hug. 

"Of course I do. I love you too Matty." She chuckled into his neck. 

"Guys! The Dardens are here!" Kelly called up to his lover and best friend.

"Coming!" Leslie yelled back. 

Matt and Leslie quickly got ready, and headed down stairs. When Andy an Kelly read their shirts both men started laughing and clapping.

"Amazing Shay!" Andy smiled. 

"Thank you." Leslie bowed again. 

"Auntie Shay! Uncle Casey!" The Darden boys yelled at ran toward the two blondes. 

"Hey guys." Matt's smile was almost too big for his face as he scooped the younger boy up and spun him around.

"Oh my god!" Leslie gasped dramatically as she hugged the elder of the Darden boys. "Look how tall you're getting! You're almost as tall as me!"

"And I have a loose tooth!" The boy said proudly as he wiggled the tooth with his tongue to show Auntie Shay. 

"Oh my! You're just getting so old aren't you?" Leslie asked putting her hands on her hips. 

Kelly watched as his boyfriend let the younger and smaller boy hang from his arms like a jungle gym. Matt would then scoop the boy up by his legs and hang him upside down for a while while he squealed with laughter. After a while Matt would bring the boy up right and hold him, let him catch his breath then start tickling him. The young boy loved it. The kid would start tickling Matt if Matt stopped doing something, and the whole time both had huge smiles on their faces. 

Next to them, Kelly noticed his best friend talking to the elder of the two boys, he was still young and small, but a bit too big for Matt to be his jungle gym, or at least at the level of jungle gymism Matt was being to the younger of the two. So Leslie talked with him, gave him attention and listened to what he had to say, exaggerated his grownupness, and acted like he was the most special thing the in the world. And in that moment he was. She listened to every word about his days at school, his new friends, his crush, and his loose tooth. She acted like everything he was telling her was the most amazing thing she had ever heard. And the whole time they were both smiling from ear to ear. 

Kelly realized something that he probably should have realized earlier. These two amazing people in front of him- two of the most important people in his life, two people he would do anything for, give his life for, his best friends, his sister and his lover, his soul mates- they desperately wanted children. Not just wanted, needed. They needed a family of their own. Matthew Casey , the most caring and kind person Kelly knows had a fucked up childhood rom the start -abuse, murder, a mother in jail, foster care, being forgotten, neglect, abused again, raped by someone he thought he loved and who he thought loved him, losing two children while he was still so young... yeah his life was messed up-But now, now he had Kelly, Leslie, Andy, Hallie and the rest of 51 an everyone who comes with it. Leslie Shay the one person who will drop everything to take care of another person, who will always put someone else before herself, her life was pretty fucked yo too- a dead mother at the age of three, a drunk father who was mean, abusive, manipulative, and who disowned her when he caught her with the neighbors daughter when she was sixteen. Life on the street, crazy girlfriends.- but she had Kelly, Matt, Andy, Dawson, and the rest of 51.

But they both needed a family of their own, they needed children so they could prove they weren't their parents, so they could escape their pasts. Kelly understood that now, watching them interact with the Darden boys. They would be amazing parents. Kelly was proud he would get to witness it. He was filled with excitement to father Matt's children, and uncle Leslie's children. Kelly was ready, he wanted a family, he needed a family. 

"We should have just left the boys with them, I feel like they would have had more fun." Andy chucked quietly to Kelly as they watched Leslie and Matt interact with the children. 

"They need kids." Kelly replied. "Like now." 

"They can have mine whenever they want. The boys love them." 

"Pancakes!" The boys suddenly yelled in unison as Matt put the younger on his shoulders and The elder jumped into Leslie's back. 

"Pancakes!" Matt and Leslie yelled happily as they walked toward the door. 

"Pancakes." Kelly and Andy shrugged at each other following the rest out of the apartment. 

They needed up walking to the Pancake House. The boys, Matt, and Leslie all holding hands as they walked. Kelly and Andy walking behind them. It wasn't a very long walk, but it was full of singing and excited chatter (mainly from the Darden boys). 

"Hey Ben!" Andy called. "Tell Kelly the joke about the Vampire." 

"Which one?" Ben asked. 

"Where he gets fired." 

"Oh!" Ben nods and walks over to Kelly and grabs his hand as they walk. "Hey Uncle Sev." 

"Yes Ben." Kelly nods giving all his attention to the boy. 

"Why did the vampire get fired from his job at the blood bank?" Ben asked.

"I don't know. Why Ben?" Kelly asked.

"Because he was caught drinking on the job." Ben said and they all started to laugh, Kelly's laugh was over dramatic but it made Ben very proud of himself. "Did you like it?" 

"Yes Ben, that was hilarious." Kelly told him then thought for a moment. "You know who else would love it?" 

"Who?" 

"The Chief." Kelly said and winked at Andy.

The Darden boys idolized the Chief. Everyone knew it, including the Chief. Chief Boden loved it, and loved to make them feel special. Every Christmas, birthday, and Halloween the Chief would do something special for the boys, and whenever they came to the fire house the Chief would always take time to play a board game with them. 

"Really?" Ben asked in amazement.

"Oh yeah." Kelly nodded. "You've combined his two favorite things, humor and Halloween. He'll love it." 

"Dad can I come by next time you're on shift and tell Chief?" Ben asked. 

"If he gets o tell Chief a joke I wanna tell Chief a joke!" Griffin said. 

"Okay, what joke do you want to tel him?" Ben asked. 

"Can I tell the boogieman joke?" Griffin asked.

"Sure." Ben nodded. 

"Wait, I wanna hear this joke." Kelly said acting overly excited. 

"Okay!" Griffin smiled. "What kind of monster likes to disco?"

"What kind?" Kelly asked.

"The boogieman!" Griffin laughed along with everyone else. 

"The chief with love that one too." Matt smiled down that the young boy. 

Breakfast was fun and yummy. The pancakes all had faces made of whipped cream, strawberry sauce, and chocolate chips. The boys were babbling about going to the zoo, and Ben kept stating random facts he had learned in school about animals. Kelly kept grabbing Matt's hand and kissing it whenever Matt would put down his fork. Leslie kept giving the boys facts of her own and a list of animals she wanted pictures of. Andy was enjoying watching. He loved his boys, he loved his friends, and he loved when they were all together. His friends doted on his children like they were their own, and days like these made his job easier. He knew if anything ever happened to him his kids would be taken care of. They would have two other father figures and another mother figure. I knew if something happened to both Heather and himself the boys would have a family. They wouldn't fall through the crack. They would be loved, taken care of, and have a loving and caring home. No matter what his boys were safe.

After breakfast they walked back to the apartment and went their separate ways. Kelly, Andy, Griffin and Ben went to the zoo, and Leslie and Matt went to the kitchen. 

"Okay Casey, you ready to have some fun!" Leslie yelled. 

"Oh yeah!" Matt nodded. 

Leslie turned on the stereo so it was going through the whole apartment. Then she turned and smirked at Matt. 

"We're making Jell-O shots." She announced and started to get the ingredients out. 

"Alright." Matt nodded. 

As they say progressed, they drank, did shots, danced on the tables, moved furniture out of the way so they could roller skate through the apartment, turned the downstairs into a dance floor, did more shots, watched some racy films, watch some flics that had them crying, watched some hilarious fail videos, told stories, talked gossip, did more shots, gave each other makeovers, danced some more. By evening they were dressed in wigs, feather boas, outrageous hats, and dancing on the kitchen table. 

"You want some pizza?" Leslie asked. 

"Didn't we just have tater tots?" Matt asked with a giggle. 

"So?" 

"Pizza!" Matt agreed. 

"Okay, let me order." Leslie ordered and when the pizza man showed up he wasn't so much confused as he was amused by the two friends who answered the door and over paid. "Thank you so much pizza man." 

"Yeah you're really nice." Matt agreed. 

"You and Kelly ever going to get hitched?" Leslie asked as they sat on the floor eating pizza. 

"Dunno." Matt shrugged. "I mean, I hope one day. But Kelly doesn't seem like the marring type, and with everything... would he want to marry me is the real question." 

"Don't- don't do that." Leslie shook her head. 

"What? What did I do?" Matt asked. "Come on Shay! Tell me." 

"Don't be all mean to yourself." Leslie said. "He loves you." 

"What about you? You wanna get hitched?" Matt asked changing the subject. 

"Ummmmyes." Leslie slurred. "But honestly, I want a kid Matt." 

"Me too." Matt nodded quietly. 

"We should have babies!" Leslie said slanting her hand onto the ground. 

"Together?" Matt raised an eyebrow. 

"No you weirdo." Leslie giggled shoving him playfully. "You and Kelly, and me and a tube." 

"Oh!" Matt nodded. "If you... I mean, if you wanted sperm- I know it can be expensive, so I mean, I'm sure Kelly would, or I would... just ya know... we love you." 

"Matt." Leslie had tears in her eyes. "You are truly and amazing friend and such an awkward person, but an amazing friend on the less." 

"You're going to be a great mom Shay." Matt smiled as he took s bite of his pizza. 

"God Case, you're going to be a great father. We are going to be great parents. Kelly is going to be a great father and uncle, you're going to be a great father and uncle, I'm going to be a great mother and uncle. We are all just going to be great parents and uncles!" Leslie yelled excitedly. "Come on Lieutenant let's dance some more before your boyfriend gets home!" 

"Yes ma'am." Matt nodded and followed her as she turned up the music and they dance around the kitchen and ended up on the dining table again. 

Kelly walked in on his best friend and his boyfriend dancing in the dining table. His boyfriend wearing his boxer briefs, a purple feather boa, and his hair having be colored pink, purple, and blue matching his nails. His best friend wearing nothing but a thong, lace bralett, and a pink feather boa, her hair having been colored rainbow like her nails. 

"What are you two crazy people doing?" Kelly asked as he walked into his apartment. 

"Dancing." They both answered. 

"I can see that." Kelly chuckled. "Is there a reason you are on the dinning table?" 

"It's like a stage." Leslie told him dramatically. 

"It's fun." Matt shrugged. 

"Okay then." Kelly nodded. "Don't let me ruin your fun." 

"We're almost done here, we are just gonna watch a few movies." Leslie told him. "You can join us if you want." 

"Okay." Kelly smiled. "I'll go change." 

"Oooo! But if you join us, you have to let us do your nails." Matt smirked and winked at Leslie. 

"Fine by me babe." Kelly smiled and walked into their bedroom. 

"Come on let's move the couch back." Leslie told Matt. 

They waited for Kelly to come back into the living room and excitedly painted his nails with all the sparkly colors they had. Then they watched some movies and all passed out on the couch. It had been a long day for all of them. And Matt and Leslie were going to be hungover in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ya....thanks for reading. I'll update soon. :)


	4. Soul Mates

The four friends were excited for vacation. It had been a month since they had talked about it, and the need to get away kept growing. The last day of shift before they were leaving was slow, so they sat at the table in the common living area and talked about their vacation. 

"You guys planning your vacation?" Dawson asked. 

"Yeah." Shah nodded as she threw her rolled up napkin at Darden. "And that one is trying to plan my outfits." 

"Don't objectify my girl Darden." Dawson clicked her tongue at the laughing man. 

"To be completely honest, I liked a few of the ideas." Shay shrugged.

"Yes!" Darden and Severide high fived while laughing. 

"Casey, you've got a visitor out front by the way." Dawson said but glanced to Severide. "He didn't want to come into the firehouse." 

"Okay, thanks." Casey nodded and started to stand up. 

"Case, wait." Severide grabbed his boyfriend's arm. "Let's be smart about this." 

"You don't know who it is, it could just be some guy looking for me because I helped rescue his dog." Casey said. 

"Then why doesn't he come into the house?" Severide countered. 

"He's on the run from the law and is worried we'll turn him in." Casey shrugged. "Do you know how many people get us confused with the cops?" 

With that he pulled his arm out of Severide's grasps and walked away. Severide hesitated a few moments then followed. 

"Alec?" Shay whispered to Darden. 

"Or Wayne." He replied. 

"Jesus Christ." Shay shook her head. "Hey Dawson, if your brother was being harassed by an ex who had been abusive, you'd be pissed too right?" 

"Fuck yeah." Dawson nodded. "Do you want me to call Antonio? I'm sure he can get something done about it, even if it's just coming down and talking to Casey about his options." 

"Like what? Run or fight?" Darden asked. 

"No like restraining order, arrest warrant, pressing charges things -like that." Dawson shook her head and sighed. "Just let me know Shay. I want to help in anyway I can, and Antonio will too, he adores Casey." 

"Thanks babe, I'll talk to Casey and Severide." Shay nodded and hugged her partner and friend. 

"We should go check on them." Darden said when they weren't back quick enough for his liking.

Shay, Dawson, and Darden walked out to were Severide and Casey had gone and found no one but some of squad sitting at the table playing cards. 

"You guys seen the lieutenants?" Darden asked interrupting their game. 

"Yeah they took off toward the locker room after Kelly almost beat that Alec guy up." One of them spoke. 

"Thank you." Darden said as the three rushed to the locker room. 

"Matty calm down he's not going to hurt you." Kelly said as he rubbed His boyfriend's back. "I won't let him." 

"He was here Kel, where we work." Matt wasn't exactly crying, he was more panicked and breathing heavy. 

"I know, but I had your back, and I'm sure Shay, and Andy would have had your back." Kelly said. "Just try to calm down." 

"Kel-" Matt let out a sob and curled into Kelly's arms. 

Kelly hushed him and rocked him in his arms for a moment. Matt was shaking and crying. He was scared, so scared, memories of the past had come flooding back to Matt the moment he saw Alec, and he had stopped dead in his tracks, he just stood there and watched as Alec got closer and closer and soon Matt could feel Alec's breath, he could smell the stale whisky and old cigaret smoke, he wanted to be sick but he couldn't move. Luckily Kelly had stepped in, nearly punching Alex out in the process, not that Matt would have minded. After that Alex had run off, and Matt had freaked out, well freaked out in the locker room, out in the open he remained stoic and pale.

"Case, you okay?" Shay asked sitting next to her friend. 

"I'm fine." Casey said wiped tears from his eyes just as the alarms went off signaling the house to a scene. 

They all steady their emotions and jumped into professional mode. Severide putting his hand on Casey's shoulder as they walked to the rigs. 

On the ride to fire Darden was making jokes, trying to lighten the mood and get Casey laughing. He succeeded when he told the story of Severide from elementary school when he had the the flu and vomited all over their least favorite teacher. 

"Remember that Sev?" Darden asked over the radio. "I thought Mrs. Jenkins was going kill you." 

"Yeah well, I was aiming for you." Severide replied. 

"So the truth comes out!" Darden laughs. "Lieutenant your boyfriend is a bully."

"Don't I know it." Casey chuckled. "He won't let me get a puppy or a kitten." 

"We're never home Case." Severide sighed. "Who would take care of it?" 

"Whatever." Casey mumbled. 

"Hey, I'll take you to the pet store after shift and we can look at all the cute little puppies and kittens you want Casey." Darden chuckled. 

"Don't be moving in on my man Darden. You will win him with the promise cute animals." Severide scolded over the radio causing everyone to laugh. 

They reach the fire a few moments later, it was a garage fire, simple and easy. No one was hurts too badt too, but a car had caught fire. It could have been very dangerous they all knew that. 

Once they were all back at the house a woman walked in the flowing brown hair and beautiful brown eyes. 

"Jenna hi." Shay smiled as she greeted the woman with a kiss. 

"So this is Jenna?" Dawson smirked. 

"You must be the partner." Jenna said. 

"Yes, Gabby Dawson." Dawson said as she shook the woman's hand. "If you will excuse me, I'm cooking dinner tonight."

"Jenna, those are my room mates Kelly and Matt, and the goofy looking one is Andy." Shay told her as she pointed out her friends. 

"I don't live with them." Darden said. "I'm married with kids, these three are like my older kids who no longer live at home, but still come and eat all of my food." 

"And give you free childcare." Severide said as he shoved Darden. 

"Hey do guys mind answering some questions?" Jenna asked. 

"Uhh..." Severide looked to his friends and furrowed his brow. 

"She not like a reporter guys. I told her some things about 51, you guys, and us and she's curios. She's an artist. Like a songwriter, creative writer, photographer and stuff." Shay said. "She thinks we're interesting." 

"Sure." Casey nodded. "I'll answer some questions." 

"I'm in I guess." Severide agreed. 

"Okay." Darren nodded. 

"Awesome, so where do you want to do this?" She asked. 

"We can do it here at the table, or in the conference room if you want more privacy." Shay said. 

"Here's alright with me if it's alright with you guys." Jenna smiled. 

They all agreed that the table was fine and everyone sat down. 

"Okay, so first question, what's you're guises relationships apart from work?" Jenna asked. 

"Soul mates." Shay said without hesitation. 

Casey nodded along in agreement as Darden and Severide thought for a moment. 

"Gentlemen?" Jenna asked looking to Darden and Severide. 

"Yeah, I mean I think that's what it is." Severide said looking down the row at his Soul Mates. 

"Okay... so tell me more about this." Jenna said. 

"Well, we're linked together. We're family." Darden said. 

"Yeah, Casey and I don't come from backgrounds where we would know much about the meaning of family, or belonging, but I think I speak for both of us when I say we have found a home with these guys." Shay said and looked over to Casey who was nodding. 

"Yeah, absolutely." Casey said. 

"So can you elaborate on your relationships? Each of you has a slightly different relationship with the other person am I correct?" Jenna asked. 

"Yeah. Of course." Severide said. "I'm not going to love Darden like I love Casey, but I'm also not going to love Casey like I love Shay, and I won't live Shay like I love Darden." Severide paused. "And it just goes in like a circle cuz I love them all differently." 

"How so?" Jenna asked. 

"Okay so Darden and Sev have known each other since they were kids. They grew up together, they have been best friends and soul mates since the beginning. So they have a super tight bond." Casey said. "They are brothers." 

"And because Sev and Casey were in the academy together, they have a different kind of bond, than Sev and I do." Darden said. "Also because they are boyfriends but whatever." 

"And because I met Sev and Casey around the same time, I've always known them together so my bond is with both of them, together. Instead of Darden who met Casey through Severide." Shay said. 

"Yeah, and Shay and I share a similar past. So we can relate to each other and know what the other person needs or is going through." Casey said. 

"So let me get this straight." Jenna said looking down at her note pad. "You all are soul mates, Darden and Severide are brothers, Casey and Severide are lovers, Casey and Darden are-"

"In-laws" Darren and Casey said at the same time. 

"I'm his brother in-law." Darden smiled. 

"Okay, Casey and Darden are in-laws, Darden and Shay are-"

"Mama bears." Shay smirked. 

"Of these two?" Jenna asked pointing to Severide and Casey. 

"Yes those are my boys." Shay smirked. "We get very maternal if someone messes with them." 

"Okay." Jenna nodded. "Sooo... Shay you love with Casey and Severide?" 

"Yeah, and it's great, because before when they were at the academy they were staying at this old run down studio apartment with leaks, and a broken window that Casey kept fixing but it kept breaking, and the heating never worked and Casey was always sick and Severide was always moody. And it just wasn't good for them. And I was living with these two major bitches, and so my life sucked. I finally kicked them out and while Casey was in the hospital Kelly moved their stuff into the apartment and now we live peacefully in a safe, most of the time heated, apartment." Shah explained. 

"Oh..." Jenna nodded. "That's quite a story." 

"I live with my wife and kids." Darden chuckled causing everyone to laugh.

"Shay what is it like living with two guys, and being in a soul mate relationship with three guys?" Jenna asked. 

"Well with these two queens sitting next to me I'm really not alone." Shay laughed and squealed when Severide started to tickler her side. 

Jenna asked a couple more questions, but in all she got what she wanted. With a thank you, and a smile she left. 

"She was nice." Severide smirked at Shay. "You like her. You like like her." 

"Shut up Kelly." Shay shoved him causing him to bump into Darden. 

"Hey Casey." Dawson said as he walked into the kitchen. "Can I ask you a question?" 

"Sure, anything." Casey gave her his full attention.

"How come you and Severide were in the academy together? I mean, he's a couple years older than you right?" Dawson asked. 

 

"He was injured day one when he first entered the academy with Andy. A car accident. He was out for a year, plus rehab. By the time he was physically fit again I was starting the academy." Casey told her. 

"Oh." Dawson sighed. "I'm sorry." 

"For his accident?" Casey looked at her confused. "I am too, but if he'd had started with Darden I may never had met him." 

"But you knew Shay." 

"Shay was training when an Ambo was called to my house for me. She was new, probably doesn't remember me. The only way I knew her was through Hallie." Casey said. "Crazy right? I might not be here today if Kelly hadn't been in that car accident so many years ago." 

"Wow." Dawson shook her head. "I don't even want to think about that." 

"Neither do I, I need a vacation." Casey sighed. "Shay! When's vacation?" 

"Soon my love." Shay called to him in a singsong voice. 

"Okay." Casey chucked. 

Casey went over and joined Shay, Darden, Severide, Herman and Mouch in watching whatever movie had been chosen. Casey sat on the floor and leaned against Severide's legs as Severide ran his fingers through Casey's hair. Casey was letting all the stress from today, from seeing Alex, go away. With every touch from Kelly he would let it relax him even more. Maybe their vacation could start now. Everyone was just about relaxed when the alarms went off again. 

A car wrapped itself around an electrical pole... vacation would have to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ya... it kinda defines their relationships??? I guess. Maybe? I hope you liked it:) I'll update soon.


	5. First Responders... in your pants

Vacation had started the minute shift had ended. The four were going home, going to sleep, then going to the cabin. Andy was coming over early the next morning so they could all drive together. They were all very excited. 

"Goodnight my friends." Leslie smiled as she walked upstairs to her room. 

"Night Shay!" Kelly called. "Come on, I want to cuddle."

"Well okay then." Matt chuckled and fallowed his boyfriend into their bedroom. 

After changing out of their clothes, they cuddled under the sheets and talked. It was heavy conversation, it was just light chitchat, and memories or stories that were floating around in their head. 

"Did you ever believe in Santa?" Kelly asked. 

"Yeah." Matt replied much to Kelly's surprise. "Christmas was when they tried to be good." 

"Oh." Kelly nodded. "When did you figure it out?"

"When my dad told me." Matt sighed. "I was six." 

"Oh." Kelly said again, he mentally scolded himself for not knowing how to respond but Matt didn't swam to mind. 

"It wasn't the best Christmas." Matt sighed. "Mom ended up in the hospital. Christie, ran away -she was twelve - and I was bugging dad about Santa not being able to find us if we went to a hotel. So he told me that Santa isn't real."

"I'm sorry Matty." Kelly said as he hugged Matt tighter against himself. 

"It's fine, six years later, on Easter, mom shot dad so it wasn't the worst of holidays." Matt chuckled dully. 

"Matty." Kelly whispered. 

"Sorry, I just- I don't know." Matt sighed. "Christie was sixteen, gone all the time, which is glad about, she was safe living with her friends... but I was alone." 

"I know, I'm sorry." Kelly kissed Matt's forehead. 

"When did you stop believing in Santa?" Matt asked. 

"When I was eleven. This asshole who was two grades above me heard me telling my friends about what Santa gave me and yelled in my face that Santa wasn't real. Of course I didn't believe him until my teacher told me." Kelly sighed. 

"Your teacher told you?" Matt frowned.

"I asked." Kelly shrugged.

"I wish you'd gotten to keep your innocence longer." Matt mumbled as he drifted off to sleep. 

"Matty?" Kelly looked to the man in his arms in confusion. "What does that mean?" 

"Hmmm?" Matt yawned. "Go to sleep Sev, we've got an early morning tomorrow." 

"Night babe." Kelly said kissing Matt's forehead and yawning.

"Love you." Matt mumbled as he snuggled closer. 

Kelly's heart fluttered at Matt's words and his face broke into a smiley. "I love you too Matt."

It's wasn't the first time they had said "I love you", and it's wasn't even the second time. They said it all the time, sometimes without knowing it. They would say it with a look across the room, or a gentle touch as they passed in the hall, sometimes they'd say it through gifts or food, sometimes simply in words, but each time was different and special. 

The first one to say I love you in a romantic way was Matt. They both had been fighting, Matt was upset and feeling his world crumbling down around him. Kelly wasn't helping with that feeling, he was talking about leaving, going somewhere else where his dad wasn't a big shot firefighter so he could earn his own title. Matt didn't want him to leave, Kelly was one of the only friends Matt had, he was his safe place, his only hope to get away from Alec, and he loved him. So when Kelly started talking about this party he went to where he hooked up with this girl would was seven kinds of kinky Matt snapped. Of course he had all right to, his actions were completely justified. 

They were fighting and Kelly said "You know I hooked up with this chick at a party a couple nights ago, she was seven kinda of kinky... maybe I should hook you two up. She could help you chill out!" 

"Get out." Matt said lowly, they were standing in the kitchen of Alec and Wayne's apartment. 

Kelly didn't realize when he followed Matt home from training that he was living with people, let alone a boyfriend and said boyfriend's older brother. Luckily for Matt neither were home, but it still worried Matt for Kelly to be there. He wasn't allowed visitors at the apparent, it would be too easy to see what was going on there if they ventured any farther than the kitchen. 

Matt had tried to get Kelly to leave multiple times that evening. When Kelly first got there Matt quickly tried to send him away, then ten minutes later he again tried to kick him out, then the argument happened and Matt almost succeeded by saying "get out" in a time that Kelly had never heard from the young man before. 

"What? Matt I'm sorry. I just you seam like you need to get laid." Kelly chuckled trying to lighten the mood, he knew he said something wrong, but he didn't know what. 

"You need to leave." Matt said softer than before.

"Come on Matt, let's talk this out." Kelly sighed. "I promise I wouldn't move, I was just angry about my father, is that why you're mad at me?" 

Just at that moment Matt noticed Alec's car pulling into the Apartment parking lot. Matt panicked and stated to push Kelly out the door. 

"Kel, you've gotta go! Now!" Matt yelled tears stinging his eyes as he tried to rush his friend and safe place out the door, away from his abuser. 

"Whoa, whoa... Matt, what's going on?" Kelly asked looking at his friend in concern. 

"You have to go! If he finds you here, he'll kill you. You need to- just go okay." 

"Who? Matt I'm not leaving you, you're scared." Kelly grabbed Matt's arm. 

"Please just go." Matt begged. "I'll talk to you tomorrow. I'll be fine. Please go, I can't let him hurt you. It'll kill me." 

With that Kelly left. The next day Kelly cornered him, anger and concern written all over his fave. 

"What the fuck was last night?" Kelly nearly yelled. "Who were you so scared of?" 

Matt was shaking, Alec had seen Kelly leave last night, he saw the two glasses on the counter that Matt hadn't had time to clean up, Alec had been angry. 

"Kelly-" 

"Tell me!" Kelly growled, not angry at Matt but angry at his situation. 

Though any form of anger Matt automatically took the blame for. He was used to it. It had been taught to him since he was young. His father had started teaching him, now Alec and Wayne were.

"Kelly, I'm sorry." Matt looked down at his hands. 

"Oh, Matt... I just- I'm not mad at you." Kelly's tone was softer. "Just tell me what's going on. Is it your dad? Does he hurt you?" 

"My dad is dead." Matt told him stoically. "Mom shot him."

"Oh..." Kelly didn't know how to react. "Then who's hurting you?"

"Alec." 

"Your boyfriend?" Kelly asked. 

Matt nodded. "And Wayne, I've been living with them for a couple years now." 

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Kelly asked raising his voice again. "Why didn't you let me help you?" 

"Because they would have hurt you! And I can't let that happen!" Matt yelled. 

"Why?" 

"Because I love you!" Matt yelled then gasped. 

"Oh." Kelly took a moment to think about what he was going to do with this information. 

"Can I kiss you?" Kelly asked. 

Kelly still dreams about that day. He still remembers it like it was yesterday. He has nightmare about the week following that day, the week they were trying to get Matt away from Alec and Wayne. The week he thought he'd lose Matt forever. He didn't lose Matt though, they got through it. And every time Matt says "I love you" Kelly's heart flutters like it's the first time.

The morning was calm, Kelly was still lost in thought from the memory filled dreams he'd been having all night, and really wanted to cuddle. Matt was more than happy to cuddle his slightly lost boyfriend all morning as they waited for their friend to arrive so they could go on vacation. They were already packed, and ready to go. 

When Heather dropped Andy off on the way to taking the boys to see her parents, Andy didn't bother knocking. He had a key to their apartment and used it whenever he needed to. When he found Kelly and Matt siting on the couch cuddling he smiled.

"You two are adorable." Andy said. 

"Thanks." Kelly said as he hid his face in Matt's shoulder, it was too early for people to notice them. 

"My keys are hanging up if you wanna put your stuff in the truck." Matt told Andy. 

"Alright." Andy nodded. "I'll take your bags down as well if you want." 

"No it's fine, I can get them." Matt shook his head. 

"Meh, I'm already making a trip." Andy said. "Leslie! Bring me your bag!" 

"Coming Andy!" Leslie said as she came hopping down the stairs, her duffle bag in hand. "Thank you my love." 

Kelly kissed a scar on Matt's neck that was still healing. It was getting better, most of the burns in his face and neck were minor, but there were still scars. Matt never wanted Kelly to bring attention to them. At first Kelly thought they were sore, so he stayed clear of the scars on Matt's torso and arm, but the he realized he was ashamed of them. That's when Kelly started to make a point of tracing the scars on Matt's arm, and kissing the ones on his neck and torso. 

"You're beautiful." Kelly whispered in Matt's ear. 

"You didn't sleep well." Matt replied.

"Alright! Everybody load up! It's vacation time!" Andy announced when he came back into the apartment. 

"You're driving Shay, I want to cuddle my boyfriend." Kelly announced as they all walked down to Matt's truck, Kelly still hanging on Matt. 

"Kel, and I will take the back." Matt said. 

"We're listening to my music." Leslie said. 

"We always do." Andy replied. 

"I like your music Shay." Matt told her. 

"That's because you and Shay are pretty much the same person." Kelly smirked. 

"He has a point." Andy chuckled. 

"We are not!" Matt and Leslie said at the same time causing the group to break out inn laugher. 

"Just last week we went to the movies and the ticket guy thought you guys were twins." Kelly laughed. 

And that set the tone for the rest of the drive. They were all laughing, making fun of each other, and listening to Shay's music. Kelly had his arm around Matt, stealing kisses every Chance he got, nuzzling his face into Matt's neck, or just holding hands. Matt made sure to stay in constant physical contact with Kelly, knowing something was bothering him and he needed comforting. Maybe it was something he said when they were cuddling last night, or maybe Kelly had a bad dream. Anything was possible, but if Matt could help comfort and relax Kelly in any way he was going to do it. 

They arrived at the cabin around lunch, Andy was complaining about not being fed, Leslie was a bit tired from driving, Kelly was still holding onto Matt like his life depended on it, and Matt was just happy to be there with friends. 

"I'll make lunch." Matt offered. "We packed some food and stuff from home, and after lunch we can go to the store for more food and dinner stuff." 

"And alcohol." Leslie winked at Matt. "We're making Jell-O shots." 

"What's up with Shay and thinking Jell-O shots is your favorite thing ever?" Kelly whispered in Matt's ear. 

"It's just a thing." Matt shrugged. "Means we're going to have an awesome time." 

"Ah, I see." Kelly nodded and kissed the back of Matt's neck. "I'm going to go help Andy and Shay unload the stuff, you get cooking." 

"Yes sir." Matt smirked and started making some mac and cheese. 

The trip to the store was full of laughter and embarrassment. Shay climbed into the shopping cart Kelly was pushing, and told Casey to do the same thing. Then Andy pushed Casey and Kelly pushed Shay and they raced down the isles, the ones in the carts trying to pull stuff off the selves and pile it in the cart with them. 

"Shay and I win." Kelly announced as they made it to the entertainment section. 

"No! Darren and I did we got more stuff." Casey argued. 

"Yeah, well we were faster." Shay replied. 

"We're more accurate." Darden smirked. 

"Guys! We should get t-shirts." Shay said suddenly as she looked to where they were selling graphic tshirts you could print anything on. 

"What would they say? Four way vacation with a straight guy?" Kelly chuckled as he shoved Darden. "Fantastic Four, but a straight guy?"

"Well, we would get our names on the back." Shay explained. "And.... a funny saying on the front?" 

"Like?" Kelly asked. 

"We could make it something about first responders." Casey suggested.

"In your pants."  Darden chuckled. 

"First responder in your pants?" Shay laughed. "Sounds great to me!" 

"The lady is going to die when Shay tells her what to put on the shirts." Kelly smirked. 

"Hush Severide! I want to hear the reaction." Darden scolded. 

There wasn't really a reaction the lady just laughed took down the information and gave Shay her number. 

"How do you do that?" Casey asked when Shay got back. 

"What?"

"Find a lesbian everywhere we go." Casey laughed. 

"Shut up." 

They all laughed and continued shopping. The t-shirts were done in thirty minutes, and they payed for everything and left.

When they got back tot he Cabin they all looked at the shirts. The backs all had their last names on the back, and on the front it had siren picture, and said "First Responders... in your pants". Shay was very pleased with herself and made everyone out them on so they could all get a picture together. 

"Say penis." Severide said all went to smile.

The picture turned out amazing. Severide was smiling proudly at being able to say something before Darden did. Darden had a shocked but pleased look on his face. Casey had closed his eyes because he was laughing so hardy Shay was making a disgusted face wile looking at Severide. And all of them looked so happy. You could see the friendship and love in the picture. 

Later that night after they had watched a couple movies and played some board games they all laid around and talked. The cabin wasn't very big, the kitchen shared a space with the dinning table, and the living room was just next to that, no door or hallway separating it and from the living room, there was an old rug that separated the living room floor from the bedroom floor. It was all one big room, with a separate room for the bathroom. 

"Do you think you guys will ever get married?" Andy asked from his spot on the cot near the fire. 

"Eventually?" Kelly looked down at Matt who was sitting between his legs on the couch, laying most of his body on Kelly and using his chest as a pillow. "Babe?" 

"Wha?"

"Marriage you wanna?" Kelly chuckled. 

"Some day yeah." Matt nodded. 

"When you do get married will you guys just keep your last names? Hyphenate? Or just take someone's name?" Leslie asked from the comfy recliner she had claimed. 

"Hyphenate?" Matt looked to Kelly for reassurance. 

"Yeah, I think that's a good plan, we call each other by our last names enough, don't want to change it too much." Kelly smirked and kissed Matt's head. 

"I don't know if I wanna get married." Shay sighed. 

"What? Why?" Everyone looked to her. 

"I just... I don't really want someone like that right now. I mean don't get me wrong I want the Sex, but I haven't been having the best luck with women lately, and honestly... I want to be a mom." Shay sighed. "But you need a penis to do that." 

"You don't need a penis to be a mom." Darden chuckled. 

"No but I would need one in me." Shay shook her head. "I'm thinking about adopting." 

"You should." Kelly said suddenly. "We will help you. But you should have a kid Shay. However you can. If you need one of us to donate our penis we'll do it." 

"He's right Shay." Matt nodded. "I already told you, I'll help in anyway I can." 

"Me too. I'm sure if it was for you Heather would let me do anything." Andy smirked. 

"You guys are so sweet." Shay smiled. 

"How about you Andy? You and Heather planning on having any more little Dardens?" Kelly asked his best friend. 

"At the moment no." Andy sighed. "Heather quit her job to stay home with the boys, and she's just starting to get back into it now, we don't think it's the right time." 

"I want kids." Matt said quietly. 

"I know baby." Kelly hugged him tighter against him. "I do too." 

"Why haven't you guys had kids yet?" Andy asked. "I mean, what happened was terrible, but if you're trying..."

"We're not." Matt said. 

"Oh..." Andy looked to Shay and back to the Lieutenants who were cuddled up on the couch. 

Kelly saw their looks. "It's just... with everything going on. We both made lieutenant, I moved to Squad-" 

"Alec and Wayne suddenly showing back up." Matt added. "The accident." 

"It's been a lot. We are just taking our time." Kelly said calmly. "Maybe we'll get married first." 

"Have you guys thought of any names you like? I know before Heather and I had kids... even before we were married , we would talk about baby names." Andy said. 

"Uh... yeah we like a couple." Kelly smiled down at Matt. "It's kinda weird to tell you guys without the promise of an actual baby."

"One day there will be." Shay said. "Now tell me!"

Matt smirked. "So at first we were picking out gender neutral names. Like Dylan, Kelly, Bailey... but then we started thinking about people. " 

"So you guys are the most important people on our lives. And we wanted to kind of name our future kids after you... so girls are Shealyn and Andrea." Kelly said. 

"And the boy versions are Sean and Andre." Matt smiled. "We only want like two." 

"Oh my god." Shay was almost in tears listening to her friends. "Thank you so much!" 

"Yeah guys it's an honor to have a furtive Casey-Severide named after me." Andy was smiling wildly as he thought about the future. 

Even if the future didn't come. They all felt safe, happy, and content in that little cabin. They laughed harder than they'd ever laughed before, cried harder than they thought they could, told secrets they'd never told anyone, remembered things good and bad. They let each other into their mind, into their heart, into their soul. And they were stronger for it. Their bond was deeper than it had ever been, and they loved it. By the end of the first night they all realized how much they needed this vacation, by the next morning they realized just how much they needed each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ya... idk. Severide kinda dream/remembers when he and Casey fell in love. Then Day 1 of vaca!!! I hope you liked it. I'll update soon :)


	6. Forget to Live

           

Darden was the first one up, he had gotten a text from Heather and went outside to call the boys. When he came back into the cabin everyone was still asleep, still in their same spots. Shay was sprawled out on the recliner, one foot hanging off the back, one at fling across her face, her hair a mess. Casey and Severide were still cuddled on the couch, Casey practically falling off of Severide and the couch, though Severide had his arms wrapped around the younger man, their legs were tangled together in some pretzels way than Darden didn't think was humanly possible or comfortable. They were all making content little sleep noises, Shay snoring, Severide whistling softly from his nose, and Casey mumbling to himself in his sleep. Andy being the best friend he is did the only thing he could think a best friend would do, he pull out his phone and hit record.

"So this is why the neighbors are always complaining about noise." Darden chuckled softly as he got his phone close to his friends faces so he could record what they were doing. "You guys really are a trio. Although, I'd take Casey's mumbling over whatever the hell Shay is doing any day. And damn it Sex, blow your nose. This is why your boyfriend talks in his sleep, so he doesn't have to hear your buggers whistle."

"Please don't." Casey whispered.

"Sorry Case, thought you were sleeping." Darden said as he turned his phone off.

"Please- please don't.... mean to-" Casey mumbled a bit louder.

"Oh..." Darden knelt next to Casey and sighed, he was having a nightmare or something. "Casey, hey man wake up."

"Don't! Please!" Casey started yell when Darden put his hand on Casey's are to wake him up. "I'm sorry!"

Casey shot up and nearly fell off the couch as he yelled and woke up. Waking up Severide and Shay in the process.

"Hey, you okay?" Darden asked as he looked his startled friend over."

"I uh..." Casey didn't know how to answer.

"Babe, what happened?" Severide asked as he wrapped his arms around Casey. "You're safe now."

"I know." Casey nodded. "I just... It was a nightmare. Sorry."

"Don't be sorry Case." Shay told him. "Darden should be the sorry one."

"What? Why me?" Darden asked.

"You sir are a loud sleeper, I don't know how Heather does it." Shay sighed.

"Me? You're the one that snores!" Darden was sure he didn't snore.

"Dude, you fart in your sleep, like loud farting." Severide told him.

"It sounds like a gun." Casey confirmed.

"We thought we were being shot at." Shay smirked. "Turns out it was just a stink bomb."

"Ha ha ha. You guys suck." Darden deadpaned.

"Whatever, you love us." Shay said. "Now make us breakfast."

"Fine." Darden agreed and headed to the kitchen.

The days continued with little to no interruption from the outside world. Darden would call his family, Casey would check in with Herman and see how the firehouse was, Shay would check in with Dawson, Severide would check in with Cap, they all had a person who could keep them informed all things happening while they were gone.

Casey was also talking to Hallie for reasons he hadn't told Severide yet. He wanted to be sure before he said anything, but if everything turned out well, he would tell Severide when they got back home.

"Hey babe, you're phone is going off." Severide told Casey through the door of the bathroom.

"I"m taking a shower Sev." Casey replied.

"So does that mean answer the phone? Or ignore it?" Severide asked.

"Depends on who's calling." Casey told him. "If you know them go a head and answer it."

"Okay." Severide replied and looked at the caller ID that read 'HALLIE'.

"Who is it?" Shay asked as Severide sat next to her and debated answering the phone.

"Hallie." Severide replied.

"Ooo I love Hallie! She's kinky." Shay giggles and grabbed for the phone.

"My boyfriend." Kelly said as he pulled the phone away and answered. "Hello?"

"Oh? Hi Kelly." Hallie answered. "Is Matt there?"

"He's in the shower." Severide replied.

"But Shay is here." Shay said as she leaned close to the phone.

"Hi Shay." Hallie said sweetly. "Uh... can you have Matt call me when he's done with his shower?"

"Sure, can I ask why?" Severide questioned.

"Yeah, I have some results for him." She said a bit unsure of her answer. "I... can you just have him call me?"

"Yeah." Severide nodded and looked at Shay with raised eyebrows. "Talk to you latter Hallie."

"Bye Kelly, Leslie." Hallie said as she hung up the phone.

"She makes my name sound so sexy." Shay smirked. "What did she want?"

"She wanted to talk to Case... she had some results for him." Severide mumbled still staring at the phone in his hand.

"Results? What kind of results?" Shay asked.

Severide just shrugged.

"STD? HIV? Pregnancy? Physical? Labs on an abnormal pimple? DNA testing? Psych eval? A-" Shay started listing things until she was cut off by a frustrated Severide.

"I don't know Shay!" Severide yelled.

"You don't know what?" Darden asked.

"Why Hallie is call Casey about results." Severide sighed.

"Oh." Darden and Shay exchanged concerned glances before they focused back on their frustrated and worried friend. "I'm sure everything is fine Kel."

"Yeah, whatever... I'm going to go cut some firewood." Severide said as he stood up.

Darden and Shay weren't sure what to do for a while. They wanted to go talk to their friend, but they knew he needed space. So they settled for making lunch. 

It wasn't long before Casey came out of the bathroom, hear wet, towel draped around his neck, wearing a pair of Severide's sweats and no shirt. 

"Your burns are healing nicely." Shay commented. 

"Yeah." Casey nodded as he walked over to the bed that they had dumped all their bags on. 

"Kelly is outside cutting fire wood." Darden said as he watched his young friend put a shirt on. 

"Okay, thank you." Casey smiled. "What's for lunch?"

"Chili, and grilled cheese." Shay chuckled.

"Sounds good." Casey said before heading outside to find his boyfriend. 

Severide was outside cutting firewood, letting his frustration out with each swing of the ax. He wasn't sure why he was so frustrated. Severide wasn't jealous, he knew Casey wouldn't cheat on him, he knew Hallie and Casey were friends, he also knew Hallie was there for Casey before anyone else was. Casey trusted her with everything, she was the only doctor he would even talk to most times, Hallie was good with Casey, she understood Casey and what he needed. Maybe Severide was frustrated that he couldn't help Casey that way, or maybe he didn't like that Casey wasn't telling him about whatever tests he was having done. Severide had let his mind wander to worst case scenarios and was thinking about what he would do if Casey was sick, really sick, incurably sick... he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he lost Casey. They just had a close call. He couldn't go through almost losing- or actually losing- Casey again. 

"Hey." Casey greeted pulling Severide out of his thoughts. 

"Hi baby." Severide smiled and put the ax down so he could walk over and hug his boyfriend. "How was your shower?"

"Fine... who called?"

"Hallie, she wants you to call her back." Severide told him. 

"Oh." Casey stilled. "Okay."

Severide handed Casey his phone and they sat on the steps while Casey called Hallie. Severide couldn't hear what Hallie was saying, but by the look on Casey's face it wasn't great. The longer Casey was on the phone the more anxious Severide got. When he heard Casey ask "what's the recovery time?" his heart dropped. 

"What's going on?" Severide asked when Casey pulled the phone from his ear. 

"I'm okay Sev, don't worry." Casey told him trying to calm him down. "I just... I have some scarring that's causing some issues and Hallie is going to take care of it."

"What scarring? What kind of issues?" Severide asked feeling as if he had just ran a marathon, his heart was racing, his chest felt tight... loving Casey was going to kill him. 

"I'm fine Kelly. It's just- uh... uterine scarring." Casey looked down at his hands then back up to his boyfriend. "Hallie said there is most likely some old scaring from when I was fifteen, and then also some new scaring or trauma or something from the fire, and I guess the combination of old and new and the trauma or whatever caused some issues and I was getting some pain so I called Hal. She ran some tests and if she doesn't take care of it it'll get worse and I won't be able to get pregnant. Or if I do I will most likely miscarry.... But she says she can fix it."

"How long have you been in pain?" Severide asked. 

"I don't know." 

"How long Casey?" Severide was almost in tears as he grabbed Casey's hands.

"Since the fire." Casey looked away from Severide and tried to hide his face. "Maybe a little before, I don't know. At first I thought it was just like the rest of the pain, you know, a roof fell on me. But then it didn't go away and it would get worse and then... there was some blood and I didn't know what to do, so I called Hallie." 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Severide asked. 

"I didn't want you to worry. You've been so worried ever since the fire, and I could handle this." Casey told him.

"You don't need to handle things though." Severide said as he wrapped his arms around Casey and pulled him into a hug. "You have me. We're in this together."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing." Severide shook his head. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I love you." Casey told him.

"I love you too Casey." Severide told him.

They stayed out there for a while. Both of them enjoying just holding each other. The fresh air was nice, and the quiet was comfortable. Severide leaned against Casey and nuzzled his face into Casey's neck, as he rubbed small circles into his stomach. 

"Hmmm." Casey hummed. 

"Does your stomach hurt?" Severide asked. 

"It just cramps a bit." Casey told him. "But that feels good."

"I'm sorry this is happening to you." Severide mumbled. 

"Hey, I'm fine." Casey lifted Severide's chin so they were looking at each other. "I'm fine."

"You're fine." Severide nodded. 

A few minutes later Darden stuck his head out of the door and called, "Lunch is served!"

"Coming!" Severide said as he stood then held his hand down to help Casey up. 

"Sev, I'm fine." Casey said as he stood by himself, but took his boyfriends hand anyway. "I'm still able to work, I'm not dying, there's nothing really wrong with me."

"Really?" Severide asked. "You can work? Even though you're having surgery?"

"No. But, I'm fine." Casey said as he walked into the cabin.

"Case!" Severide yelled but didn't fallow through with any argument. 

The rest of the trip went by too fast. On the drive home Severide sat in the back with Darden, while Casey drove and Shay messed with the radio. 

"Kelly! Get off your phone! It's our last few hours of vacation enjoy it." Darden scolded as he pulled Severide's phone away from him. 

"Stop obsessing over it. I told you I'm fine." Casey told his boyfriend. 

"No Casey! You're not fine." Severide snapped in reply. 

"Okay, what's going on here?" Shay asked turning in her seat to so she could see Severide as well. 

"Kelly is worried about me, and being over protective as usual." Casey shrugged. 

"Casey! You're in pain, you need surgery. How am I not supposed to be worried about you?" Severide's voice was louder and harsher than he meant, but he was worried and scared for Casey. He didn't want to lose the man he loved. 

"Whoa, hold on... surgery?" Darden asked. 

"Is this about the..." Shay lowered her voice as she spoke to Casey. 

Casey glanced at her then nodded quickly. "Yeah... I'm fine though." 

"Fine." Severide scoffed. 

"Wait! Wait... everyone just hold on. I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't know what's going on here... and maybe that's my fault, I don't know, but I'd like to know why our boy here needs surgery." Darden said getting everyone to calm down. "Matt, first answer me this, is it serious?" 

"No." Casey shook his head. "I'm fine."

"C'mon Casey! That's a bunch of shit!" Severide said, spud more angry than concerned. 

"Kelly! Knock it off!" Shay scolded. "It's not that serious, Matt is going to be fine and you are only making things worse by yelling at him!" 

"Okay, so why do you need the surgery?" Darden asked once again after everyone had calmed down. 

"There's some internal scarring from the fire, and things... so Hallie is going to help me take care of it." Casey said. "I'm in a bit of pain sometimes, but both Hallie and Shay say I'm fine and I'm fine to work up until the surgery so that's it. I'm fine." 

"Okay, thanks Casey." Darden leaned forward and placed a hand on Casey's shoulder. "You know your boyfriend here only wants to protect you, you being in pain, or in any sort of danger makes him crazy." 

"I know." Casey smiled lightly. "It's part of his charm." 

"I'm right here guys." Severide sighed. 

"Hush. You're in a time out." Darden said as he shoved his best friend's shoulder. 

It was late when they got home that night, Heather and boys wouldn't be home till the next morning, and they didn't have to be at work until the day after so they decided to have one last day of vacation and camp out in the living room of the apartment. They all cuddled up in fuzzy blankets, turned on a movie and drew on Severide's face when he was the first to fall asleep. 

The first shift after vacation was bittersweet. They were happy to be back at work, but they were missing the fun they had on vacation. Five days was not enough time to get to everything they wanted to. They only started to touch on the deep conversations, sure they long deep conversations all the time, but the vacation really brought some thing out that needed to be spoken about, questions that needed to be answered, some ideas that needed to be shared. They had barely started to figure out what was bother Andy so much- was it the clinic depression he hid so well, that even Heather didnt think it was a problem? Or was it something else? Like something he'd seen in a fire, or on a call- they of course would talk about it later, but there seamed to be an urgency about it. Like if they didn't talk about it soon, they may never get the chance. 

In all honesty, they had avoided a lot of their problems until they couldn't anymore. They would talk about the future as if that's all that mattered. The four of them had planned Casey and Severide's wedding. Shay and Darden were going to be Severide's best-man and maid of honor, Herman and Hallie were going to be Casey's. Andy's boys, Griffin and Ben, were going to be the ring bearers. And Casey was going to invite his sister and ask if his niece Violet would be the flower girl. At first Severide felt bad for wanting his father there, knowing that Casey wouldn't have either of his parents, and possibly not even his sister, but Casey, Shay and Darden talked him into it. Severide, Shay and Darden talked Casey into having the Chief stand in as his parental figure.

It was good, having a plan for the future. One that doesn't come with a will or funeral plans. So often in their line of work people get so focused on the possibility of death, that they forget to live. And sometimes, people forget the severe risks that come with the job. Sometimes after a person escapes a near death situation one too many times they start to think they're invincible. Sometimes... people forget they can die.

"DARDEN NO!" Casey yelled trying to reach out and grab his friend as a wave of flames engulfed the panicked man and swooped our towed Casey. 

Casey didn't duck, he didn't move, he just stayed there watching as the heat melted his glove, singed his eyebrow, and killed his friend. He wasn't sure how long he was up there, stuck on the ladder, paralyzed by pain, fear, and emotion. 

Casey was startled when he felt a hand on his back. He was sure who it was but the person what telling him to move. But Casey couldn't, he couldn't leave without Andy. Andy was still in the building. Suddenly Casey's heart beat quickened and his eyes focused as they started to search the room for Andy. Then he found the chard body and let out a sob. 

"Come on kid." Herman soothed. "Let's get you off this ladder." 

"No, I-I can't." Casey shook his head. "Not with out Andy. Andy's still inside." 

"He's gone Matt." Herman told him softly. "The recovery team will get him." 

"But- he's still in there." Casey mumbled as he let Herman lead him down the ladder.

"Come on, just climb down nice and slow." Herman coached as he kept one hand on Casey's back at all times. "We're almost there Matt." 

Casey didn't reply he just continued to climb done the ladder, his body shivering violently as his mind caught up with the situation and the pain. When his feet were on the ground,m he felt like passing out, but Herman's hand never left his back.  

Herman was walking Casey over the ambulance when Casey's mind when to the other person who could have been hurt in the fire and who could be hurting right now because of Andy. Severide. 

"Sev-"

"You fucking... you put him through the window! How could you!?" Suddenly a fist came out of no where and Casey was laying on his back. "He was my best friend! Fuck!" 

Just as fast as he was there, he was gone. People were pulling Severide away and keeping him away. Casey wasn't sure what was happening. He blamed shock, but maybe he was in denial. Either way, he just lost two of the most important people in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry... don’t worry THERES A HAPPY ENDING!!! There’s just some sad stuff in the middle. I’ll update soon


	7. He's Family

After the fire, Casey was taken to the hospital. Herman sat with him while they waited for Hallie to come and take care of his burns, and tried to comfort the young lieutenant, but Casey was in shock.

"Matt hi, I hear you've got some burns." Hallie greeted as she entered the room.

Casey didn't acknowledge her. He sat staring ahead, not making eye contact with anyone. Hallie caught Herman's worried glance but said nothing as she went to work checking over Casey.

"Hey Herman, can you help Casey out of her turnout gear?" She asked sweetly.

"Yeah." Herman stood and did as he was asked, maneuvering a limp, shell shocked Casey out of his gear as Hallie got some medical equipment ready. "Hey Hal, there's some blood."

"That's alright, I patch him up." Hallie kept her voice light and calm.

"No I mean... a lot of blood." Herman said again.

"Let me see." Hallie was still calm, but her eyes gave her fear away.

"Hey Matt, did you fall?" Hallie asked, when the lieutenant didn't reply she hardened her voice. "Matthew!"

Casey flinched at the sound but responded. "What?"

"Did you fall?" She repeated calmer now that she had his attention.

Casey nodded slowly. "On my back."

"But he face planted the ladder on his way down." Herman added.

"Okay." Hallie nodded. "Matt, I think we're at worse case with the scarring, so I'm going to call some people and we're going to take care of it today."

"Today?"

"Yeah Matt, you're bleeding, you can't wait any longer." Hallie said. "I promised you we'd put it off as long as you promised you wouldn't wait too long. We can't let this go any longer Matt."

"Okay." Casey nodded.

"Herman is going to help you put the gown while I go get everything ready. Okay?" Hallie held eye contact with him for a long time.

"Yeah alright." Casey nodded.

It wasn't long before Casey was rushed into emergency surgery, and Herman was lead out to the waiting room to meet the rest of 51 who had been told nothing about their lieutenant. Herman's Head was still spinning, everything had happened so fast. He was trying to help Matt out of his gear and clothing so he could put in a hospital gown, and the young man kept getting paler and started to shake more violently. Herman thought it was from shock, and maybe it partly was, but Casey was losing blood fast. Just as Hallie came back in with a doctor in toe, Casey collapsed into Herman's arms.

At first his body was clam, as if he had exhausted himself and passed out, but then he started convulsing, his breath shallow and erratic. Hallie and the doctor had jumped into action- moving Matt to the hospital bed, hooking him to machines, calling a code, rushing jolting his body with electric paddles, rushing him out of the room to surgery- to save the broken boy's life.

"Herman." Boden called him out of his thoughts.

"He uh... he's in bad shape." Herman shook his head in disbelief. "I don't-"

Herman couldn't find words, he couldn't think, he felt a hand in his shoulder guiding him to a chair. It was Gaby, she sat next to him and rubbed her hand over his.

"What happened?" Dawson asked calmly. "He was okay on the way here."

"He just... just collapsed." Herman shook his head, his eyes focused on his hands that had dried blood on them. "He was okay, not good, but somewhat functioning... then-"

"Herman!" Shay sobbed out curling in on herself as she listened to him talk. "Where is he?"

"Surgery... they- he's in emergency surgery." Herman mumbled out still staring at the blood on his hands that was making him sick. "They had to... they shocked his heart... after the seizure..." Herman closed his eyes and took a breath before looking back down at his hands. "so much blood."

Shay let out an audible sob and crumbled into Mouch's arms.

"Herman, did Hallie say anything?" Dawson asked desperate for more information.

Herman shook his head. "She was scared, trying to stay calm for... Matt... Matt was is shock. I thought it was shock... but there was so much blood."

"It's okay." Dawson pulled him into a hug as tears fell from her own eyes.

They waited together for a long time. Shay curled up next to Herman and cried into his shoulder for hours. Cindy brought food for everyone, and sat with Shay and Herman while they cried. Boden has wanted to stay but he had other business to take care of.

He got into his car and drive to the Darden's house. He steeled his emotions as he walked up to the door and knocked. Heather appeared with a bright smile on her face.

"Chief, hello." Heather greeted. "Please come in. Andy isn't here, he's probably out with the lieutenant boyfriends. Can I offer you a drink?"

"No thank you." Boden said quietly. "Are the boys home?"

"No, they are both at sports camp." Heather told him. "They will be disappointed they missed you."

"I'll make sure to stop buy and visit them." Boden smiled sadly.

"Chief, what's wrong?" Heather asked beginning to worry. "Did something happen?"

"Heather, can we sit down?" Boden asked guiding her gently to the stools in the kitchen.

"Wallace, what happened?" She demanded her voice stern.

"There was a fire." Boden said quietly. "Andy was through the window before anyone knew what was happening."

"No!" Heather gasped as tears started to stream down her face. "No! No!"

"Heather, I'm so sorry." Boden said as he pulled her into his arms. "Andy was a great man, a great father, and a great firefighter."

"No!" Heather sobbed.

They sat in the kitchen for a long time, Heather sobbing into Boden's shoulder, Boden crying silent tears as he held her. Neither of them were sure how long it had been when Boden's phone went off showing Dawson's name.

"Heather, I'm sorry I have to take this." Boden apologized as he answered the phone. "Dawson talk to me. How is he?"

Heather had calmed down a bit, silent tears were streaming down her face as she listened to Boden's conversation.

"It's been hours, how can you not have more information than that?" Boden sounded angry and scared. "I'm with Heather. I knew he'd want to do this, but-" Boden stilled and looked sick as Gaby said something on the other end. "No, we are not going to think like that!" Boden snapped. "He's going to pull through this! Call me when you have an update."

He hung up and mumbled something that sounded like "I can't lose him too". Then wiped tears from his eyes before turning to Heather.

"Who- who's hurt?" Heather asked.

"Heather-"

"If the fire was bad enough to kill my husband than someone else is definitely hurt." Heather practically yelled.

Boden looked at her like he was contemplating telling for fear it would hurt her worse.

"Oh my god!" She gasped new tears streaming down her face. "Matt?"

Boden nodded. "He was right behind Andy."

"Of course he was! That stupid boy! Always fallowing Andy and Kelly into situations!" Boden wasn't sure who she was angry at but he noticed she was standing and starting to move around the house. "You know what's sick? I was wondering why Kelly and Matt weren't here. I was angry at them for making you tell me. For chickening out. But no! Matt is the fucking hospital! I wish they were just chickens!"

"Heather what are you doing?" Boden asked.

"Matt needs books, blankets, and his toothbrush. I'm guessing he's going to be in the hospital for a while. If he was right behind Andy... he's probably severely hurt." Heather took a breath and grabbed a couple books from her shelf and shoved them into a duffle bag. "He hates hospitals, he panics, I don't blame him with the history he's had. So he needs things to keep him calm. A big, soft blanket for comfort. Books for a distraction. And his toothbrush so he feels somewhat clean."

"You really care for him don't you?" Boden smiled sadly.

Heather stilled and let some tears fall. "He's family."

"I'll drive you to the hospital, I'm heading there anyway." Boden said.

When they arrived the first thing he saw was Shay clutching Herman's arm and sobbing. Heather walked over and wrapped her in her arms. They both were crying mumbling things to each other as everyone stared.

"I'm going to lose them!" Shay practically screamed into Heather's shoulder. "I don't want to be alone!"

"Shhh. You've got me." Heather grabbed Shay's face and wiped some tears. "We are not going to be alone! We are family! You are my family! We're going to take care of each other!"

Shay nodded her head as more tears fell from their eyes and she pulled Heather into her arms again. "I'm so sorry!"

Heather hushed her softly as they both cried. "Listen to me. He's going to be fine. Matt wouldn't leave us at a time like this. He loves us too much. His need to take care of the people he loves is too strong."

Shay nodded but she wasn't sure if she believed it. "He's my baby boy."

"I know." Heather hugged her.

"He was my- my- he-!" Shay gasped not able to get a breath.

"I know, he loved you too." Heather told her. "You guys were his world."

"He loved you so much!" Shay sobbed into Heather's shoulder. "Your boy's were the most... important thing... in his life!"

"I know." Heather sobbed. "I know."

At some point Herman wrapped his arms around the crying girls and they both started to calm down. Shay has exhausted herself and fell asleep between Herman and Heather, tears still in her eyes. Heather laid against her, playing with Shay's hands as Herman rang his thumb over Heather's shoulder.

Visiting hours ended, but no one bothered to ask them to leave. 51 was staying, camped out in the waiting room. Blankets, clothing, and food had been supplied by families, significant others, and the hospital. Everyone understood this is where they needed to be.

It had been another tow hours before a doctor came to them. "Family of Matthew Casey."

"That's us." Boden replied leaving no room for argument.

"Okay... Matt is stable." The doctor sad and Shay let out a gasp as she grabbed Heather's hand.

"He's okay?" Herman asked.

"He's stable." The doctor repeated. "He is still not awake."

"When can we see him?" Shay begged. 

"Once we run a few more tests." The doctor sighed as he watched Shay and Heather cling to each other while Herman held his hand on Shay's leg. "He's in the ICU, you three can go see him, IF you are quite and careful. He is still in bad shape."

"What happened?" Heather asked. "What's injured."

"He's got some pretty bad burns and will probably be moved to the burn unit once he is out of the ICU. He lost a lot of blood, and had some internal bleeding due to the uterine scarring, if you are able to give blood and willing to please tell Hallie."

"He lost that much blood?" Shay was confused. 

"There was some complications, he's not out of the woods yet, but I am optimistic." The doctor told them. "His cheek bone is fractured, and there is quite a bit of swelling around the cheek, but that is to be expected." 

"Oh my god." Shay gasped as the room spun. "I need to see him please."

"Alright, Mr. Herman, Shay, Heather, fallow me please." The doctor lead them to the ICU and the first thing Heather noticed was Hallie sitting next to Matt.

"Hallie." Heather whispered. 

Hallie let out a sob and ran over to heather. "I'm so sorry Heather." 

"Herman..." Shay whispered. "You okay?"

"He's just so... so... young." Herman let a tear slip down his cheek. "And broken."

"Herman were you there?" Heather asked as she pulled him into her arms. 

Herman nodded. "I was."

"What happened?" Hallie asked. 

"Darden started up the ladder before Casey could say a word otherwise so he just followed." Herman let out a breath that sounded more like a sob. "Casey kept asking if there was vent, but no one answered, he got more desperate, and Darden was through the window. He sounded so desperate and scared when he called to Andy.... But... Then, then there was just... just fire, flames... he didn't move... didn't, didn't duck, he just let the flames attack him... he just kept reaching out for Andy. He let out a scream that sounded like something inside him broke and he just, he just staid on the ladder... frozen... I thought... I thought he had died too." Herman gasped and sank to floor by Casey's bed. "I went up and got him... It was like when he was young, first starting out and he used the ladder for the first time... he nearly fell then too. But this time, when he got down Severide... fuck, Severide punched him."

"He did what?" Heather gasped. "No!" 

"That explains the bruise." Hallie was in tears as she held onto Shay. 

"Hallie, he has to be okay." Herman cried. "He's my responsibility."

"Herman-" Hallie went to comfort him but was cut off. 

"NO! I've watched over him since he was a fresh faced candidate. He's my boy. You don't know how proud I was of him when he made lieutenant, I felt like I was watching my son graduate. This... this hurts. Not knowing if he's going to be okay, him being hurt... it hurts me." Herman looked to Shay who was nodding. 

"I know." Shay sat down next to him. "And let me tell you, he looks up to you. He never had a stable father figure in his life, until he met you."

They all sat in his room for a long time waiting for him to wake up, hoping and praying he would wake up. After a while a doctor came in and asked them to leave but Hallie stepped in and told the doctor that Shay, Heather, and Herman needed to be there. 

They had all fallen asleep. Shay had hear head on Matt's bed, dried tears in her eyes. Heather was in a chair beside Shay, her hand on Shay's back. Herman was on Matt's other side, his hand next to Matt's on the bed. Hallie had her head on Herman's shoulder and her feet on Matt's bed. 

Matt stirred slightly and blinked away the heaviness in his eyes. He looked down and saw Leslie sleeping. He put his bandaged hand on the side of her tear stained face and smiled weakly when she looked at him with shock. 

"Matt?" She gasped. "Matty!" 

"Hey." He chuckled as she jumped up and hugged him. "Ooo."

"Sorry." She pulled away instantly fear in her eyes. 

"No, it's okay, come here." He pulled her back into a hug and she started to cry into his chest. 

"Matt, you're awake!" Herman smiled. 

"Heather." Tears fell from Matt's eyes as he looked at Heather. "Heather..."

"Matt, it's okay calm down." Heather said when she noticed his heart monitor speeding up. "Take a deep breath."

"Heather- I ... I.. Andy- I'm sorry." Matt was gasping between sobs. "I'm so sorry- so sorry!" 

"Matthew stop, take a breath." Heather said as she put a hand on his face.

He flinched at her movement before starting to cry harder. "I'm sorry!" 

The flinch ignited her anger at Severide, and only made her want to hold Matt closer. "Matt, you're okay, I'm not mad at you. This wasn't your fault." 

"It was." Matt shook his head. "I- I didn't stop him! I'm- I'm sorry!" 

"Matt, calm down." Herman said bringing his attention away from Heather. "Look at me, and breathe."

"I can't-" Matt shook his head. "I can't..."

"Matt, what can't you?" Shay asked as she and Hallie switched to medical care mode. 

"Breathe... I can't-" Matt shook his head again. "Can't-"

"Okay, stop talking now." Hallie said. "Just try and follow Herman's breathing." 

Matt nodded and watched Herman with scared eyes. 

"You're doing good Matt." Herman told him. 

Hallie placed an oxygen mask around his mouth and she and Shay leaned him back. 

"Good, just take deep breaths." Hallie told him. 

Matt made eye contact with Heather once he had calmed down. She smiled sadly at him and sat on the bed near his feet. "Don't scare me like that Matty." 

Matt went to talk but Hallie hushed him. So he just grabbed Heather's hands and let tears fall from his eyes. 

"I know." Heather nodded. "I miss him too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for long wait.


	8. Where Were You?

Kelly was angry, seeing red angry. If he hadn't been so angry maybe he would have seen the burns that covered Matt's exposed flesh, the glove that had all but turned to liquid, and the scared look in Matt's eyes. If Kelly hadn't been so angry he would not have punched Matt, he would have grabbed him tight and cried into his shoulder. But Kelly had been angry and scared so he didn't grab Matt and hug him, hold him, or cry into his shoulder. No. He punched him. He added to the pain Matt was already feeling, and he didn't even realize he had done it until they were driving back to the firehouse and someone asked if he wanted to go to the hospital. 

Kelly went along with everyone, his men cared for Casey, and they had just lost Darden too, so he agreed. But he didn't go in. He watched as squad entered the hospital joining truck in the waiting room, he watch Boden hold back tears as e demanded information, he watched as Shay slowly fell apart in the middle of room and he watched as Herman walked out, covered in blood and looking like he had seen a ghost. 

Maybe he had seen a ghost. Maybe Matt couldn't take it anymore and his body just gave up. Maybe Matt just stopped fighting. Did Matt feel alone? Was he scared? Did he blame himself? Oh god, did he think Kelly blames him? Maybe Kelly did blame him, just a little, and maybe that's why instead of going in and finding out what was wrong with his boyfriend, Kelly left. 

Kelly wasn't sure where e was going, he knew he wasn't going home yet, he couldn't, there was too much of Matt and Andy in that apartment. He couldn't go to the bar, there was a picture of the four of them -Kelly, Matt, Andy, and Leslie- from two Halloween's ago when they decided to dress up as sexy firefighters and a sexy EMT. 

It had been Andy's idea to go to a party on Halloween, the kids were with friends, and they had the night off, so it seemed perfect. There was a big Halloween party for a bunch of firehouses- the ones that weren't working- and the decided to go. Well, Andy more showed up at their house with costumes and told them what they were doing. 

He had been fun. Heather and Shay showed Matt how to do a Smokey Eye with colors that would make it look like he had flames on his eyes. Kelly chuckled as he watched Matt listening to the girls intensely and getting more excited every tine they did something that made the makeup look better. Kelly had smirked and started applying his own makeup, he knew what he was doing. Matt had gazed at him for a few moments before telling Shay and Heather "I want to look cooler than him" with such conviction and seriousness that the girls just agreed and started their work without even a chuckle. 

It had gotten even better when Andy decided to come and put some make up on. It brought a small pout to Matt's face when he realized he was the only one in the room who didn't know how to do makeup. 

"Even the straight one is better at it than I am" Matt had said with a bit of a whine to his voice. 

"Don't worry Marty, I grew up with this queen," Andy threw his arm around Kelly's shoulders. "there was no way I was going to go through life with him without knowing how to apply makeup." 

Matt hadn't replied to that, he just simply asked Shay for more sparkles, which had them all laughing. 

It was a found memory for Kelly. He didn't remember the party all that much- a lot people, dancing, drinks, more drinks- but at one point Heather told them to stand together so she could get a picture of them. Andy had his arm around Kelly's shoulder and was squeezing his nipple, Shay had her leg across the boys as and Matt was grabbing her ass, Kelly was biting Matt's ear, and Matt was laughing hard. The picture had been so ridiculous but so full of love that Heather had it framed, the bar put it on the wall, and they all used it as Christmas cards that year. 

A tear ran down Kelly's face as he remembered the look on Andy's face. Happy, mischievous, and not a care in the world. Kelly started to cry harder when he realized he would never see that look again unless he looked in a picture. He would never talk to his best friend, his brother, about everything from stupid things, to deep stuff he wasn't sure he was ready to admit to himself. He was never going to see Andy again. This was going to kill him. 

Kelly had ended up going to that and crying until he was so drunk he wasn't sure what tears were anymore. Somehow he had made it home and that is where he staid for the three days. Three days of crying, cursing, throwing things, drinking, crying some more, looking at old photos of them from grade school all the way up to present day, and more crying. 

By Wednesday Kelly had cried all he had in him, he took a shower, got dressed, and went to work. 

The first thing he noticed when he walked into the fire house was the mood. It was somber and quiet, nothing like he was used to. 

The second thing he noticed was the absence of three people: Andy, Matt, and Leslie. Kelly should have been worried, he was, but he was more angry than anything. Had Matt and Leslie just taken another day off, and if so why hadn't he? Andy was his best friend! He knew him the longest! They were brothers! 

If Kelly had not been so angry he would have noticed a third thing that was different about 51. Everyone seemed mad at him, or disappointed. People were shocked he never came up check on Matt, he never called, he had punched the boy for Christ sake. Did he not know how bad Matt's condition had been? Did he not know Matt almost died? That his heart stopped? Did he really not know? 

Kelly kept to himself for most of the day, staying in his office away from people. It had been a slow day, no squad calls, only two truck calls, and maybe three ambo calls. Kelly was happy for the break, he didn't really want to deal with everything/ everyone today.

By the end of shift he was ready to go home and sleep for seven days. He didn't really want to talk to Matt or Leslie about feelings or what was going on so maybe he'd just lock himself if his room and hope they both got the idea. 

When Kelly got home he was slightly confused by the lack of boyfriend and roommate in the apartment. They had been gone the whole three days, and Kelly had assumed they were with Heather but something seemed off, he could feel it. So instead of retreating into his room he laid on the couch and just stared at the ceiling.

He must have fallen asleep at some point because when he woke up there was someone else in the apartment. 

"Matt?" Kelly called out as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "Hello?" 

He walked over to the door of his bedroom and knocked. When there was no answer he tried to open the door but it was locked. 

"Matt, open the door." Kelly sighed. 

"Go away Kelly." Leslie replied much to Kelly's surprise. 

"Shay... open the door." Kelly said again. 

"I said go away!" 

"Where's Matt?" Kelly asked. "And why did you lock yourself in my room?" 

"Fuck off!" The reply was full of hurt. 

Kelly took a step back as if he had been slapped. "Shay?"

"Just stop Kelly!" 

"What?" Kelly's mind was racing trying to figure out what was going on. 

Suddenly the door opened and Shay was carting a duffle bag an a pillow.

Shay didn't make eye contact with Kelly as she stood in the door way, him blocking her exit. "Move." 

"Shay, what the hell is going on?" Kelly asked. "Are you guys staying with Heather?" 

"Like you care." Shay said as she walked over to grab Matt's laptop from its usual spot on the kitchen table. 

"Shay, just tell me what's going on?" Kelly practically begged as he grabbed her arm to stop her from walking away. "Please Shay, why won't you tell me where Matt is?" 

"You hurt him Kelly! He's scared! He won't let us touch him!" Shay screamed at him fire and tears in her eyes. "You- you are not the only one who lost Andy! And we thought we were going to lose him too! And you... you just-". Shay pulled her arm from Kelly's loosening grasps and took a deep breath as she started putting away Matt's laptop. "I can't do this with you right now." 

"What?" Kelly was still confused but now he was angry and scared too. "Shay, I don't understand." 

"Check your phone you asshole!" She screamed at him. "You were there! You went to the fucking hospital! Yet I never saw you! I needed you Kelly! I was loosing my boys and where the fuck were you?" 

"Boys?" Kelly's question came out slightly above a whisper. 

"We almost lost Matt! Not an hour after we lost Andy!" Shay yelled tears streaming down her face. "Where the fuck were you?" 

"What... what do you mean?" 

"His heart stopped! His heart fucking stopped and where were you? Drowning your sorrows in whiskey? God! And to think I was worried about you!" Shay shook her head and suddenly got very quite. "You broke him. He was hurting, just like you, and you just... I can't be here with you right now." 

"Shay wait!" Kelly grabbed her arm again and she noticed she was shaking with anger. 

"No Kelly! You hurt all of us." Shay wiped tears from her eyes. "Where were you? I needed you! Matt needed you! Heather needed you! Where were you Kelly?" 

"Shay." Kelly said softly as he pulled her into his chest. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you." 

"You're an asshole." Shay sobbed into his shirt. "You're a fucking asshole and I hate you." 

"Shh..." Kelly ran his fingers through her hair and held her tighter. "Shhh." 

Neither of them knew how long they were crying in each other's arms, but once they calmed down Shay pulled away and wiped her eyes. 

"I need to get back to Matt." Shay said.

"Yeah." Kelly nodded wiping tears from his own eyes. "Okay." 

"I'll see you later." Shay sighed and took the duffle bag and laptop with her as she walked out the door. 

Once she was gone Kelly broke down and started to cry again. He poured himself a drink, then another, and another after that. He drank until the bottle was almost gone, then when it was empty he threw it across the room and watched it shatter. 

He was angry. He was hurt. He was alone. 

"Fuck!" Kelly yelled as tears fell harder.

He was going to have to clean the mess in his kitchen up. He has a lot of messes to clean up. 

It was a couple days before Shay came back to work. When she did Kelly was expecting Matt to come with her, but he want there. He wasn’t there for a week. A week turned into two weeks, and soon it was a month. 

A month of Shay treating Kelly as a roommate and a coworker rather than a best friend. A month of anger toward everyone. A month of depression, distractions, and loneliness. A month of not knowing wether he hated his boyfriend or loved him. A month of missing his brother and going between wishing he could hold his boyfriend and wishing it was his boyfriend in that fire unseated of his brother. A month of hating himself for thinking all the awful things about his love, and a month of hating his love for not being there for him. 

Finally one day he had enough. He walked over to Shay anger in his eyes, his body tense with emotions. 

“Where is he?” Kelly demanded. 

“Whoa, you need to calm down.” Dawson said from where she was sitting next to Shay. 

“This has nothing to do with you.” Kelly barked. “Where’s Matt?” 

“I’m not going to tell you until you calm down.” Shay told him. 

“You know what, fuck you Shay! I listened to you! I gave him his space but I’m done!” Kelly snapped. “Next time you see him tell him to find a new place to stay, ‘cause I’ve gotten used to having the bed all to myself.” 

With that Kelly stormed out of the room to the showers. 

It didn’t get much better after that. Matt still had not come back to work, Shay was even colder to him now. She was staying more with Dawson than at the apartment. He hated it. He hated Matt. He hated Andy. He hated Shay. He hated everyone and everything. 

Kelly was sitting at the squad table playing cards when he heard some cheering. 

He turned and saw Casey walking in with Herman. He looked different. Sick almost. He was pale, his eyes looked bruised from lack of sleep and his paleness, and his clothes hung off him. There was a scar under his eye that looked red and iterated, it didn’t look like the other scars from the burns, it looked more surgical. Kelly’s heart clenched... was that where he punched Matt? Did he hit him hard enough to damage something internally? 

“Casey!” Cruz walked over with Otis to great their lieutenant. 

Kelly noticed the flinch Matt tried to hide when Cruz slapped a hand on his back. He noticed the way Matt’s eyes were slightly glossy as if he had had recently had a panic attack. He noticed Matt’s forced smile, his fake laugh, the effort it took him just to look his men in the eyes. Had Kelly done this to him? With one punch? Had he broken down all the kids hard work? 

“Casey, can I see you in my office?” Boden asked as he walked over to Te crowd surrounding Casey. 

Casey nodded and glanced at Herman who just followed as if it was the most natural thing. That should be Kelly, making sure Matt is safe, calming him after a panic attack, keeping people from touching Matt without permission. That was Kelly’s job! But he had hurt the kid... it wasn’t his job anymore, he was just as bad as Wayne and Alec. He was worse! He promised he’d never hurt Matt, he promised Matt would never be hurt like that again! Kelly cursed under his breath and gasped when a thought came to mind the never even thought was a possibility for him to believe. 

‘Maybe if Casey was such an easy target.’ Kelly shook his head trying o clear his mind of these thoughts. ‘It makes sense... there is a common factor. Matt’s dad. Matt’s mother. Matt’s ex-boyfriend and Matt’s ex-boyfriend’s brother. Matt’s current-ex-boyfriend. All these relationships had one person who was the same... Matt.’ 

“Fuck!” Kelly wiped his eyes and shook his head again. 

“You alright Severide?” Cruz asked as he walked passed his once friend.

“Shut up.” Kelly snapped as he quickly got to his feet and walked to the showers. 

How could he think those things? He didn’t believe them... did he? No! Those were Matt’s fears. Those were the things Kelly told him were NOT true. But at the moment Kelly was confused, angry, and not himself. 

“Well damn if it doesn’t make sense.” Kelly whispered to himself before breaking down and starting to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here’s another chapter cuz I didn’t update for a while:)


	9. We’re Okay

"Matt!" Shay groaned as they walked into the kitchen. "Why won't you just let me-"

"It's not a big deal." Matt sighed. "He just wanted to talk." 

"Oh come on!" Shay scoffed as she grabbed the coffee from Matt's hands. "One, how can you even think of believing him after what he did you? And two, Herman said you were shaking by the time he left. And you had a panic attack." 

"Not his fault. I get anxious." Matt pointed out. "Seeing him brings up memories." 

"Yeah! Bad memories!" Shay looked like she wanted to say more but they were around people. "God Casey, as if I wasn't already worried enough about you. Now you're having meetings with him? You can't truest him. He's dangerous." 

"Who's dangerous?" Severide asked as he grabbed some coffee for himself. 

"Uh... Alec." Casey moved his eyes to the floor as he spoke quietly. 

"Casey..." Severide sighed. 

"We're not... we're it together, or getting back together... he just wanted to talk." Casey glanced up to Severide and sighed. "Not that it's your problem." 

"Yeah." Severide glanced as Shay who was looking even angrier than she did before. "Hey, Casey." 

Casey looked up at Severide, the scars on his face less bright than the first day he was back, but his face was paler. It made Severide sick thinking about the injuries Casey had during the fire. He hated not knowing how Casey was emotionally and physically. He hated guessing on why Casey looked so thin. He hated not being able to protect Casey from Alec and Wayne and everything else. He hated not having Casey to hold onto and hold him when he had nightmares or the Andy sized hole in his heart was too large to function. He hated not being Lieutenant Boyfriends. He missed Casey. It had been a long time. Nearly three months since Andy's death and list is the longest conversation they had had without ending up screaming at each other. 

They were both angry and hurt. They felt betrayed, abandoned, and entitled to their anger. This was not a good combination for two people who loved each other. 

Severide took a breath and tried to look Casey in the eyes. "I-"

"Hey Lieutenant, there's a guy here to see you." Peter, the new truck candidate that was taking the spot of Andy, called from he door. 

"Okay, thanks Mills.” Casey replied and turned to Severide. "Can we come back to this?" 

"Yeah, of course." Severide nodded and watched as Matt walked out the doors. 

"What were you going to say?" Shay asked her voice hard but not full of anger. 

"I was going to apologize... is he okay?" Severide asked still watching the doors Matt walked out. 

"No." Shay said simply. "But neither are you." 

"I feel like I lost everyone." Severide sighed. "I feel like I lost myself. I'm so sorry Shay." 

"I know, and he does too." Shay have a sad smile. "You two need each other." 

"God! I was horrible!" Severide slammed his head down into the table. "I don't even know who I am." 

"Listen, you both have said some things that came from anger and it hurt... I know. But nothing is unfixable. He will forgive m, and you will forgive him." Shay told him. 

"I don't know if I will forgive myself." Severide sighed. 

"He has to forgive you first." Shay replied simply. 

They talked for a little bit before Dawson poked her head into the kitchen with wide eyes. "It's Matt." 

"Shit!" Severide yelled before running passed Gaby and out to the front of the firehouse. 

"It's Wayne." Shay gasped from next to Severide. 

"What are you doing here?" Severide yelled. 

"I'm just talking to the bitch here!" Wayne called gesturing to Casey as he spoke. "I was wondering where you were." 

"You need to leave." Severide commanded walking closer to. 

"I'll leave when I'm done talking to the toy." Wayne smirked and took a step closer to Casey. 

Severide's skin crawled seeing Wayne so close to Casey. "Back up!" 

"Don't worry, Matthew and I are just talking." Wayne grinned as he noticed Casey shiver. 

"I told you to leave." Severide said getting between Wayne and Casey. "Now!" 

"And if I don't?" Wayne looked around Severide to meet Casey's eyes. 

Severide felt Casey grab a handful of the back of his shirt. Severide stood stronger and taller as he addressed Wayne. 

"This is not an option or a choice." There was venom laced in Severide's voice as he stared Wayne down. "Leave now." 

"Alright fine, but this conversation isn't over bitch." Wayne spit at Casey then turned and walked away. 

"Kel..." Casey whispered from behind him. 

Severide turned and saw Casey on the verge of a panic attack. His heart skipped a beat as he gazed at Casey. Casey had called to him, he wanted his help... he was having a panic attack. 

"Not here Matty, come on." Kelly threw an arm around Casey and rushed to the locker room. "He's gone now, I won't let him hurt you." 

"He- he- how could he just come here?" Casey asked looking up at Severide with tears in his eyes. "He knows where I work, he knows I'm staying with Herman, he knows I was in the hospital... he- oh god!" 

"Matt?" Severide's heart was racing as he listened to his boyfriend... ex-boyfriend talked. 

"He knows we- he knows that you and me aren't together..." Casey let out a sob and held onto Severide. "I can't! I don't want to be!" 

"You don't want to be what?" Severide asked. 

"Not together." Casey cried. 

Severide has tears in his eyes as he listened to Casey cry. His heart ached. He wanted to kiss and hold Casey forever.

It took a while before Casey had calmed down enough to breathe evenly without gasping breath. It took wen longer for him to no longer feel sick after the panic attack. The whole time Severide never left his side. It was the longest they had been in the same room together and even though they both wished it wasn’t because of the bad situation Casey was in, they were glad to know they could be in the same room without fighting. 

After that shift things started looking up. They fought less, they were talking more, even the chief had noticed the lessened animosity between the two Lieutenants. 

But even without the fighting, and the constant reminders that they were no liger an item, there was still a wall between them. Kelly felt guilty. He hated the way he acted, he hated he wasn’t at the hospital, he hated how he let his mind slip to dark, untrue thoughts, and most of all he hated that he had punched Casey. Matt felt the distance in a different way. Yes, he was guilty, he felt it was his fault for not stopping Andy. But no madder how hard he tried he had a slight fear or apprehension when it came to Severide. He would flinch when Severide raised his voice, moves too fast, or reached out to touch him. It was an involuntary action that frustrated Casey to no end, but the fear was there. 

A week after Wayne had come to the firehouse Casey was still not himself. He hadn’t been himself since the fire, but this was worse. He was even more withdrawn, even more depressed, and even more sick looking. 

Severide had been wanting to make amends, so he decided to try and get Casey to come out of his head and join the world around him. A safe, loving, full of friends world. 

“Hey Case, you busy?” Severide asked cheerfully as he found Casey sitting in his office. 

“No, what’s up?” Casey smiled, it was a forced smile, but it soon turned natural and calm. 

“I was wondering if you wanted to help me make dinner.” Severide asked. “The guys are getting hungry, and I think your candidate could use a break.” 

“Sure, I’d love to.” Casey nodded and put his pen down. 

As they walked to the kitchen they joked around and gently rough housed. Casey made a joke that made Severide snort. It was all so natural. 

No one was in the kitchen when they started, and no one was in the kitchen when they started making the food. Most of them were in the showers or cleaning the rigs. 

“Uh... are we using my recipe? Or your recipe? Or-” Casey looked down at he ingredients he gotten out, all the ones for his lasagna and all the ones for Kelly’s lasagna. 

“We’re combining them, duh.” Kelly chuckled. “It’s like you’ve forgotten how we cook.” 

“I was just checking. Jeez.” Casey smirked. “Pardon me for being polite.” 

“You are pardoned.” Kelly laughed when Casey’s response came in the form of a pice of cheese being thrown at his head. “Oh I see how it’s gonna be.” 

“I’m glad.” Casey smiled. “I was hopping you didn’t get dumber in my absence.” 

“Oh please.” Severide scoffed lightly. “As if.” 

They continued to cook and joke like the team they were. Everything seemed to click as they moved through the kitchen. Once one of them stopped stirring the sauce the other would smoothly slide in and take over until they switched again. The whole time adding ingredients and putting the food together without needing to talk about the process much. They had done it many times before, it was like a well rehearsed dance. 

They were in their own world of jokes, banter, and cooking and didn’t notice people coming into the kitchen and sitting around the table. 

“What up with them?” Peter Mills asked the group- Herman, Shay, Dawson, and Mouch- who were sitting on the couch. “I thought they hated each other.” 

Since Peter Mills joined firehouse 51 there had been something off about he two lieutenants, he noticed how awkward it was with them, and how everyone else seemed to have one they favored over the other. He also noticed the looks the two men gave each other. They were often sad looks, almost as if they were missing the person. 

“Are they back together?” Dawson whispered. 

“Not that I know.” Shay shrugged. “Herman?” 

“All I know is Severide calls every night to check on Matt, yet never actually speaks to him in the phone.” Herman sighed. 

“Hey, it’s like you’re Casey’s Father, scarring off the boy so he doesn’t hurt your cub.” Mouch chuckled. 

“What’s going on?” Peter asked again. 

“They dated once.” Dawson said as if it was the most normal thing in the world, and it was, at least to the people at 51 it was. 

“Dated? As in like dated dated?” Peter asked. “Like they are gay?” 

“No not gay, I’m gay.” Shay said. “Matt’s bi, and Kelly just loves everyone.” 

“Sooo... they are together?” Peter asked. 

“No, well not anymore.” Dawson shook her head.

Peter was shocked. “What why?” 

“They had a falling out.” Mouch supplied. 

“Okay.” Peter furrowed his brow. “Were they serious? Like... I mean they had to be to make it seem like they hate each other after their break up right?” 

“Well for one I do not hate blondie.” Severide smirked when e saw the candidate jump. “He’s too cute and lovable to hate.” 

“Aw, how gross.” Shay smiled. 

“And to answer your question yes, we were serious.” Kelly nodded then glanced over his shoulder. “Hey Casey, we were serious right?” 

“Well, I was living with you and almost had your kid so I’d say we were fairly serious.” Matt clapped his hand on Kelly’s shoulder. “Don’t listen to anything they say Candidate, these ones love gossip.” 

“What? How dare you!” Dawson chuckled. “You are just as big of a gossip lush as we are.” 

“Yes, but no one can beat Kelly and Shay.” Matt smirked. 

“Excuse you.” Kelly turned to him with fax hurt in his eyes. 

“Kel, give it up. We are the queens of gossip.” Shay chuckled. 

“Whatever, I just like to know what’s going on.” Kelly replies and Wales back tot he kitchen. 

“Whatever gets you through the day babe.” Shay called after him. 

“Lieutenant I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. I was just curious and-”

“Mills, you’ll understand soon enough, nothing stays private around here.” Casey smiled. 

“Casey! I need a hand.” Severide called. 

When dinner was ready everyone seemed over excited. Peter was noticing the smiles on people’s faces, the excited mourners coming from everyone as they lined up to get food. 

“Chief!” Severide smiled when the Chief walked into the kitchen. 

“I thought I smelled something edible.” The chief smiled as he got a plate. “Mmmm I have been wanting this for a long time.” 

“Looks like they made less of a mess than when they were candidates.” Herman smirked. 

“God, you two were brats.” Mouch chuckled. “But you always cooked well.” 

“And they were probably the fasted eaters around.” Herman added. 

“That’s because whenever we got a chance to eat you guys would give us another fifty tasks to do before end of shift.” Severide defended himself and his once boyfriend. 

“You guys were pretty hard on them.” Shay smirked. 

“Hey, you had them doing stuff for you as well.” Herman scolded.

“Yes but I am their mama bear, I have to right to over work them for my benefit.” Shay replied. “You guys had them doing stuff when they were off shift.” 

“That’s true.” Kelly said them turned to the candidates. “Be lucky you’ve got a lieutenant like Casey, he remembers what it was like to be the candidate and will take pity on you.” 

“Unlike everyone else.” Casey smirked. “Dig in! The foods gonna get cold!” 

After shift Kelly decided to walk with Matt to Herman’s. It was a cool night, but neither of them minded. 

“Matt.” Kelly said softly after a moment of silence while they walked. “I’m sorry.” 

“What?” Matt was taken my surprise.

“I’m sorry for how things have been... between us. I’m sorry I didn’t come to the hospital, I’m sorry I hit you, I’m sorry I thought all those awful things, I’m sorry I took my anger out on you and made you hurt.” Kelly was in tears when Matt pulled him into a hug. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Shh, I’m fine, you’re fine, we are fine.” Matt told him. “Listen to me, you didn’t know how bad off i was, and you were dealing with your own stuff, I’m not mad you didn’t come to the hospital. Shay told you to give me space and you did. You did nothing wrong.” Matt hushed him as he Kelly let out a sob. “And I’m not angry about the punch. You were scared and angry, and needed something to take your emotions out on. I just happened to be the one who was there... and don’t worry about blaming me or whatever, I blame myself too.”

“Matt-” Kelly went to object but he was cut off when Matt continued to talk. 

“Thoughts can be deceiving Kelly. I’m not sure what you were thinking, and you don’t have to tell me, but sometimes things come to minds without ya wanting them to. You could have been remembering something, your emotions could have been twisting your thoughts. All that madders is you don’t act on negative thoughts, and only believe what you know is true and not just some random thought that passed through your mind.” Matt paused and took a steadying breath. “We both said things, horrible things, when we were angry. I know I don’t believe what I said, and if I could take it back I would. I know you would too. So I forgive you Kelly, even though there is nothing to forgive... will you forgive me?” 

“Of course.” Kelly met Matt’s eyes for the first time. “Of course! I forgive you, I don’t even know what I forgive but I do.” 

“God, I missed you.” Matt mumbled into Kelly’s shoulder. 

“So we’re okay?” Kelly asked looking at Matt with hopeful eyes. 

“Yeah, we’re okay.” Matt nodded. “I think we still need time to get back to what we were before, but we can get passed this.” 

“I agree.” Kelly smiled and hugged Matt tighter. “I love you Matty.” 

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! A happier (ish??) chapter.


	10. Help?

Over time, Kelly and Matt grew closer. They started to go on small dates - casual dinners, movies, beers and a game, lunch and a walk- and sometimes Matt would stay with Kelly some nights, and sometimes Kelly would stay with Matt. They were working on getting their relationship back. There was a desperation between them, as if being apart for too long would break them. They were both holding back. They were holding back because they didn’t know how they would work without Andy. They we scared to find out what they would resort to after an argument. They head back because they didn’t want to be hurt again, and they were desperate not to hurt the other again. 

But with this holding back came tension. Not a sort of tension that make it awkward when they were together, but the kind of tension that made them them want to cry. It was a strange sensation. The feeling of being with someone, and being happy that you are together, and not wanting to be with anyone other than them. But also being so sad that you are not fully with that person, and so distraught that things were different. They each handled this tension differently. 

The tension made Kelly’s anger and guilt swell so Kelly often tried to find ways to make Matt feel good- focusing on Matt during sex, trying to make Matt laugh, giving Matt massages, showing Matt with compliments and kisses- anything the situation called for. He was desperate not to lose Matt. 

Matt was overwhelmed by the tension. He would often become quite and retreat back into his mind. At these times he would relive everything that happened. The pain in his body, phantom and real pain, would grow to excruciating measures. He would quietly wish he was the one in the fire, he would think that maybe he should have stayed with Alec and Wayne, maybe he should have never tried to be a firefighter in the first place. He would apologize to Kelly over everything and anything, often without a cause or need. 

“Matt?” Kelly said quietly as they walked through a park, their hands clasped together, the tension filling the air around them. “What are you thinking about?” 

“I’m sorry” Matt whispered back, his eyes not meeting Kelly’s. 

“Don’t- You have nothing to apologize for.” Kelly told him, as he often did. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“I… I talked to Alec.” Matt stopped walking and sat down on the bench they had just passed. “I- I’m sorry.” 

“When did you talk to him?” Kelly asked, his voice remaining smooth and soft. “Why did you talk to him?” 

“He- his lawyer called me. Alec wants to press charges against Wayne.” Matt took a breath and rubbed his hands over his jeans, as if he was trying to rub something off his thighs. “He wants to stop Wayne. He said Wayne got a new one, younger this time. Alec can’t- he doesn’t want the kid to get hurt like we did.” 

“We?” 

“Alec and I.” Matt said then continued before Kelly could interject. “Yes, Alec hurt me. He knows he’s guiltily, but Wayne ruined him long before they met me. Alec is his younger brother, and Wayne… he did a lot more to Alec before me than he probably did to me. Hell, he was still hurting Alec while I was there… Alec is getting help.” 

“Help?” 

“He’s checked himself into a mental hospital, he doesn’t want to hurt people, but he’s not well.” Matt sighed. “I’m probably not either. But abuse and incest from the time you’re old enough to walk probably doesn’t make for a healthy mindset.” 

“Alec?”

Matt nodded. “Yeah, he… I wouldn’t trade childhoods with him for anything.” 

“Oh.” 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Matt whispered. “About talking to him…” 

“Matt, you don't have to tell me who you talk to. I’m glad to be a listening ear and I will help in anyway you want me to, but you are a grownup and I don’t own you.” Kelly said. “I trust your judgment, and I know you can handle yourself.” 

Matt finally looked at Kelly and a faint smile spread across his lips. Kelly smiles back and kissed him. It was a soft kiss, half on Matt’s lips and half on the side of his mouth and Kelly’s nose tickled his cheek bone. It was sweet, and soft. 

“Thank you.” Matt said louder than he had spoke the whole time they were sitting on the bench. 

“Move in with me?” Kelly asked, though he was shocked it actually came out of his mouth. “If you want to. I’m not- I don’t want it to seem like I’m trying to boss you around. I meant to ask “will you move in with me?” But that’s not what I said. I’m sorry. I- we… if you want to I would love for you to move back into the apartment. And so would Shay.” 

“Okay.” Matt smiled. “I’d love to. I miss you guys and the apartment. It’s the first place that has really felt like home in a long time, besides 51.”

“Great.” Kelly smiled. “Do you want to go get some food?”

Matt agreed and they walked to a pizza shop nearby. 

A week later Matt was moved back into the apartment with Kelly and Shay. He and Shay were making dinner while Kelly napped in front of the television. The flu had been going around the firehouse and it hit Kelly hard. The few who had yet to get sick were the few people not living with anyone from the house. 

“I just got a text from Otis, seems like he and Cruz are both out for the count.” Matt sighed. “The House is being taken out of rotation until we have more than half a truck that is not sick.” 

“This is what happens when everyone lives together. People get sick, and we don’t get paid.” Shay sighed. “Go wake sicky over there, he needs to eat.” 

Matt walked over to Kelly and woke him. Kelly was feeling better, but nowhere near healthy yet. He hung on Matt as they walked to the table, and continued to hold onto Matt’s hand, arm, or thigh as they ate. The conversation was mainly between Matt and Shay, both of them knowing Kelly was focused on keeping his food down. 

Halfway through dinner Shay looked at Matt with more concern than he had all night. He had stopped eating and had sat back in his chair. He had a noticeable flush to his skin and his eyes were unfocused. 

“You okay?” Shay asked, forgetting whatever she had been saying before.

“I’m fine.” Kelly said not looking up from his plate. 

“Matt, what’s wrong?” Shay asked ignoring Kelly. 

When Kelly heard she wasn’t talking to him he quickly glanced at his boyfriend. Matt didn’t look good. Kelly noticed Matt’s hands were shaking. 

“Matty?” 

“I’m-...” Matt looked to Shay pleading with his eyes for her to help him.

“Alright, come on.” Shay moves quick, bringing Matt to the kitchen sink before he could puke all over the table. “Looks like you and Kelly are in the same boat.” 

Matt spit into the sink and glared at Kelly. “Fuck.” 

“None of that until you both are healthy.” Shay chuckled. “Kel, you wanna clear the table? I think dinner is over.” 

Matt went to apologize but he gagged on his words and ended up just grabbing Shay’s arm for support as he puked more into the sink. 

Later that night, they all sat around watching bad movies on Netflix. Matt had his head on Kelly’s chest, his arms around Kelly’s ribs. Kelly wrapped himself around Matt’s shoulders and rested his chin on Matt’s head. There was a bucket sitting on the floor between them, water and Gatorade on the stand next to the couch, and a damp washcloth, like the one on Matt’s forehead, discarded onto the coffee table. 

Matt groaned and stirred in his sleep, his fever had been climbing since Shay first took it after dinner. He was shivering and sweating, his body hurt, and he was nauseous. Kelly had been through the same thing when he first got sick. Because Kelly was still sick and weak he couldn’t do much to help his boyfriend, and it killed him. Luckily Shay was there otherwise he would be sobbing as he watched Matt suffer. As it was, Kelly had dried tears on his cheeks because of the last time Matt had woken up just to puke and nearly fall over because of how week he was. If Shay hadn’t been holding the younger man he would have fallen over and probably puke all over himself. 

“Kelly?” Matt mumbled. 

“Yes baby, what’s wrong?” Kelly asked running his fingers through Matt’s damp hair. 

“Not comfy.” Matt still had his eyes closed and was squeezing them so he wouldn’t see the room spin. 

“How would you be more comfy?” Kelly asked. “Do you want to lay on your back and lean against me?” 

Matt shrugged and nodded. “Okay.”

Shay came over and helped Matt moved onto his back. The movement caused his nausea to flare and he gagged twice before Shay stuck the bucket under his chin. 

“I’m so sorry baby.” Kelly nearly sobbed as he rubbed Matt’s back. 

“It’s okay.” Matt sighed as he rinsed his mouth and spit into the bucket. “Thanks.” 

“It’s what I’m here for. What’s the point of living with an EMT if you don’t get free medical care.” Shay chuckled. “I’m going to check your temperature while you are still awake.” 

Matt nodded but he had already settled himself against Kelly and closed his eyes. Matt was laying across Kelly, his head on the arm of the couch, his back against Kelly’s knees, and his legs stretched out on the rest of the couch. Kelly ran his fingers through Matt’s hair as Shay took his temperature. Then, when Matt groaned again and tried to curl in on himself before rolling back a bit and pressing his for head into Kelly’s chest, Kelly started to rub circles on Matt’s aching stomach much like Matt had done for him in the previous days.

“His temperature is up…” Shay sighed. “If it gets any higher I’m calling Hallie.” 

Kelly nodded and looked down at Matt. “His body has been through a lot in past… year- fuck… I’m so sorry baby.” 

“He’s strong Kelly.” Shay said when she saw the worried and guilty tears in Kelly’s eyes. “How are you feeling?” 

“Better, not great, but not as bad as I was.” Kelly told her. “And definitely not as bad as him.” 

“Good. I don’t need both of you delirious with fever.” Shay said and sat down to watch the rest of the trash movie they had all been kind of watching. 

For two days Matt suffered with a high fever, chills, and nausea. It didn’t surprise Shay that he was a bit worse off than Kelly had been, but he seemed to be following the same pattern as Kelly, even if it was slower. His fever broke in the middle of the night of the second day. He had a nightmare and woke up in a cold sweat and crying for Andy. It had been a difficult task to calm him down. 

By the fourth day of Matt’s sickness, Kelly was feeling better. Matt was not. But he was feeling better, so Shay looked at it as a win. 

A week later Matt was still nauseous but he was feeling better. Most of the firehouse was either just getting sick, or they had been sick and were getting over it. Two weeks later everyone was back at work, some were still not fully healthy but they were well enough to work. Matt, was still nauseous. 

One day, a while after everyone had come back to work, Matt went into Kelly’s office and started pacing. He was freaking out a little, and couldn’t get his mind to slow down enough to think clearly. 

“Matt what wrong?” Kelly asked as he shut the blinds and sat his boyfriend in the chair Kelly had previously been occupying. 

“I’m still sick.” Matt said sounding confused and exasperated. “I can barely keep anything down, I get dizzy and nauseous, and I can’t shake this weird fatigue.” 

“What?” Kelly asked shocked. “He knew Matt hadn’t been feeling up to par lately but he didn’t know it was this bad. 

“Am I bulimic?” Matt asked. “I eat. I swear! I want to eat! I know I need to gain weight, Hallie told me it was becoming unhealthy. I’m not trying to lose weight I promise! After the surgery and then the flu, I should be starving and I am starving, but I keep getting sick. What’s wrong with me?”

“Hey, calm down, I don’t think you’re bulimic, and if you are… we’ll figure it out.” Kelly said as he put his hands on Matt’s shoulders. “But we will cross that bridge if we come to it.”

“What’s wrong with me Kelly?” Matt was close to tears as he begged Kelly to tell him what was wrong with him. 

“First thing we are going to do, is tell Boden that you aren’t feeling well. With what has happened recently I don’t think we should chance you getting hurt and putting more strain on your body and health.” Kelly said calmly. 

Matt nodded and wiped away a stray tear that escaped his eye. “Okay. Then?” 

“Then you are going to rest, in here, in your office, or out on the couch. If you can wait till end of shift to go to Hallie.” Kelly said, making sure to give Matt choices. “If you can’t wait or just don’t want to, we can go right now to Hallie, or have Shay check you over before we go to Hallie. Sound good?”

“Yeah.” Matt nodded. 

“So what do you want to do?” 

“I can wait, it’s not like it’s getting worse, it’s been the same since I first got sick.” Matt said. “After shift we’ll go to Hallie.” 

“Are you sure?” Kelly asked one more time. 

“Yes.” Matt said. “That is what I want to do.” 

“Alright, you’re the boss.” Kelly smiled. “Do you want me to tell Boden, or do you want to?... or do you want me to come with you?” 

“Come with me?” Matt asked hastily. 

“Of course.” 

Kelly and Matt walked to Boden’s office together. Kelly had his hand on Matt’s back. Usually they wouldn’t show so much affection at the firehouse, especially when going into talk to the Chief but they were not Lieutenants Casey and Severide in that moment, they were worried boyfriends Matt and Kelly. 

“Chief?” Kelly asked as he knocked on the open door. “You busy?” 

“No, come on in.” Boden smiles before noticing the worried looks the two shared. “Is everything alright?” 

“No sir.” Matt replied as they sat down. “Not really.” 

“Oh? Are you two alright?” Boden asked. 

Matt looked to Kelly then back at the Chief. “Not really no.” 

Boden stilled at Matt’s words. “What’s going on?” 

“We’re not sure.” Kelly said reaching over to grab Matt’s hand, something he wouldn’t usually do on duty. “We’re gonna find out though.” 

“I just need to ask for the rest of the day off.” Matt started off confidently but waved around the middle of his sentence and ended it by looking down at his and Kelly’s hands. “If that alright.” 

“Of course. Casey, you have been through a lot in the past few months, I’m surprised you haven't taken more time off .” Boden nodded. “What’s going in though? You two seem pretty shaken.” 

“I’ve been sick.” Matt told him. “It’s been pretty bad.” 

“We are worried.” Kelly added. “We’re going to talk to Hallie after shift. Is it alright if hangs out in either my office or his own and rests?” 

“I could do some paperwork, that easy and distracting.” Matt told the Chief. 

“You guys know this place is your home. If you ever need to hang out here the doors are open. Whether it is because you are sick and don’t want to be alone, or you need somewhere safe to stay for a while, or if Home just gets a bit too quiet.” Boden said, knowing Casey needed to hear those words. “Keep me posted on what you find out.” 

“Thank you Chief.” Both Kelly and Matt said at the same time. 

They walked out of the office and back to their offices.

“Mine or yours?” Kelly asked simply.

“Mine. I think I’m going to take a nap then try and get some reports done.” Matt said. 

“Alright.” Kelly followed him to his office and watched as Matt slipped off his shoes. “Matt… will you take your shirt off?” 

“Ummm… Okay?” Matt went to grab the back if his shirt but Kelly stopped him. 

“I just… I want to look you over. Make sure you don’t still have bruises or issues from the surgery.” Kelly explained. 

“Kel, the surgery was weeks ago.” Matt chuckled as he took off his shirt.

“Shit.” Key gasped. “You look skinnier than you did last night… is that possible?” 

“We’ll figure this out.” Matt said. “I know we will.” 

“Of course we will. But that doesn’t stop me from worrying.” Kelly said as he bent down to kissed Matt’s shoulder. “Can I get you anything?” 

“Maybe some water and an apple or something… something light… in case…” Matt trailed off as he put his shirt back on. 

“Want a garbage can too? Just in case?” Kelly asked. 

Matt sighed. “Yeah. That’d probably be smart.” 

“Coming right up.” Kelly said and walked toward the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay. Thanks for reading. Also sorry about all the spelling mistakes... I was reading the previous chapters and there are a lot..... it’s prob not gonna get better tho.


	11. Talk to Hallie

Matt woke up from his nap when the alarms went off. His first instinct was to fight through the immediate nausea that hit him as soon as he opened his eyes. He had started to pull on his turnout gear when his mind caught up with him. Kelly watched him for a moment as he nodded to others and walked back to his office. 

When the trucks arrived at the scene Kelly let out a sigh of relief. It was an easy rescue mission, kid had gotten stuck in the child swing, and in parental panic a grill was left to catch fire. 

“Hey, Severide.” Herrmann called as they waited for the equipment to be put away. “What’s up with Casey?” 

“He’s not feeling well.” Severide shrugged. “We’re going to go talk to Hallie after shift.”

Herrmann nodded and clapped Severide on his shoulder. It was a comforting gesture but also held the command “take care of him”. Severide was always in awe when he was witness to how fatherly Herrmann could be to everyone. Neither Matt nor Kelly had amazing father figures growing up, and somehow Herrmann had become a treasured friend and father figure to both of them. 

Back at the firehouse Matt was filling out reports. He had to take a couple breaks and sit in the bathroom praying he wouldn’t puke again, but he was okay for the most part. By the time everyone was on their way back from the call Casey had finished his reports and had taken to helping Connie with her paperwork. 

“Casey, hey, how you feeling?” Severide asked as he put his hand on Matt’s shoulder. 

It was no secret to anyone in the firehouse that they were an item, but they didn’t make a habit of being overly touchy on the job. They stuck to simple gestures and touches that would be appropriate for anyone at the house, but they both knew the love that was behind the subtle looks and touches. 

“I’m fine, I think I’m going to head home and repare that hole in the wall that has been there since before I moved back in.” Casey told him. “It’s been on my mind lately and I’m getting a little restless here.” 

“Alright, do you want me to drive you home?” Kelly asked immediately turning into the concerned boyfriend. 

“I can walk.” Matt shrugged. “I’ll be fine.”

“Casey!” Dawson called as she walked towards them. “Shay and I are heading to get some lunch, wanna come?” 

“Sure.” Casey nodded. “Could you guys drop me off at home when we’re done?”

“Sure.” Dawson smiled the motioned to Severide. “Put this guy at ease.”

Severide gasped over dramatically. “I care okay, don’t hate.”

“I’ll see you at home.” Matt chuckled and touched Kelly’s hand before leaving with Dawson. 

Matt sat in the front of the rig with Shay, and Dawson sat in the back. They were listening to music and laughing as Shay drove. They parked and started to eat the sandwiches they ordered. 

“Hey, can I ask you guys something?” Casey asked, his voice quieter than it had been recently. 

“Of course.” Shay nodded. 

“You know you can always come to us Casey.” Dawson added. “What’s up?”

“Okay… well I haven’t been feeling well lately.” Casey sighed. “I don’t really know what’s going on… and after everything that has happened… I just don’t really know what to do.”

“Okay.” Dawson said suddenly serious. “List your symptoms?”

“Uh… I’ve been dizzy, tired, pretty nauseous.” Casey listed. “Recently I’ve been getting these cramps… and when I eat it gets worse.”

“I’ve noticed, you disappear halfway through dinner most nights.” Shay said her eyebrows furrowed. 

“Do I… am I bulimic?” Matt’s question came out like a child asking a parent if they were in trouble. 

“Do you have a history of eating disorders?” Dawson asked. 

“I think so…” Matt looked down at his hands. “But it was kind of out of necessity…”

“Anorexia?” Shay asked, a knowing tone to her question. 

“I guess.” Matt shrugged, locking eyes with Shay. “My parents- and then… I eat. I swear, and I don’t want to lose weight!”

“Hey, listen… I know what you’re thinking okay? I’ve been through a similar situation.” Shay said as she grabbed his hand. “Parents who are assholes who try to control their kids, unforgiving streets that have no free food, abusive relationships that make you… they make you think you suck and you need to be a certain way and they mess with your mind. I get it. I don’t think this is bulimia.”

“Oh. Okay.” Matt nodded. “Then what?”

“Complications from surgery?” Dawson suggested. “Maybe the scarring built back up. Maybe you have a stomach bug or an infection. There are a lot of plausible diagnosis to rule out before you check yourself into rehab for an eating disorder.”

“Thanks you guys.” Matt smiled. 

“Who knows, maybe you and Kelly broke another condom and your knocked up.” Shay chuckled. 

“I highly doubt that.” Matt sighed. “But it’s a possibility.”

“You’re going to see Hallie after shift right?” Dawson asked. 

Matt nodded. 

Dawson patted his shoulder and smiled. “She’ll figure it out for you.” 

After that they dropped him off at the apartment. Matt turned on some music and started to work away at the wall. He was going to have to buy some paint that matched the color of the wall, but he could do that later. Buy the time Kelly and Shay came home Matt had finished the wall and was laying on the couch listening to the music that was still ringing through the apartment. He had his hands crossed over his stomach and he was humming along to the music. His mind had wandered to the idea of having a child with Kelly. A mixture of the two of them. A beautiful little boy or girl. Matt had never really let him dream of having a child. He wanted them, but he wasn’t sure it was ever going to happen to him. Sure he had been knocked up before, but each time it ended in disaster. But this time, if it is real, maybe they could make it work. 

“Case, you okay?” Kelly asked as he leaned over the couch to look at his boyfriend. 

“Hi.” Matt smiled up at Kelly. 

“You ready?” Kelly asked as he ran his finger over Matt’s cheek. 

“Mmm… Kel?” Matt murmured as he closed his eyes and moved his face into Kelly’s gentle touch. 

“Yeah Babe?” 

“I want your baby.” Matt said. “Our baby.” 

“I do to.” Kelly nodded and smiled sadly. “We could have another one.”

“I want- I’d like that.” Matt said looking up at Kelly. “But I think we should get Shay a kid soon.”

“Yeah… everytime she sees a baby she starts to cry.” Kelly chuckled. 

“Are you talking about me?” Shay questioned as she walked down the stairs. 

“Yes.” They both answered. 

“What about?” 

“Ummm… you need a child.” Kelly said. 

“Oh?” Shay snorted. “Really?”

“Both you and Matt do.” Kelly told her. 

“Matt, you wanna have a baby?” Shay smirked. 

“Yes.” Matt nodded. 

“Alright, let's go upstairs.” Shay said continuously making eye contact with Kelly. 

“Yes ma’am.” Matt said as he got up off the couch. 

“Excuse me!” Kelly laughed. 

“You can join to.” Shay smirked. 

Matt went to say something but closed his mouth and walked quickly into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Kelly followed, worried about him. When he opened the door he found Matt kneeling in front of the toilet. Kelly stayed quiet as he knelt next to him and started to rub circles over Matt’s back. 

“I want to go talk to Hallie.” Matt told Kelly as he gagged. 

“When you’re finished here we will go.” Kelly told him. 

Matt finished and brushed his teeth. Then he walked with Kelly out to the living room where Shay was sitting on the couch waiting for them. 

“You’re going to talk to Hallie.” Shay told him, leaving no room for discussion. 

“We’re going right now Shay.” Kelly told her.

“Alright.” Shay stood and pulled Matt into her arms. “You’re going to be fine.” 

Matt nodded and hugged back. Then he walked with Kelly out to where his truck and Kelly’s car were parked. 

“Do you want to take my truck in case I puke on the way?” Matt asked. 

“I don’t care if you puke in my car Matt, the care can be cleaned.” Kelly said. 

“I care if I puke in your car.” Matt said. 

“Then we can take the truck.” Kelly said. “But for future reference… you are my priority, not the car. Understand?”

“Yes.” Matt nodded. 

The way their they were quiet, Matt had his head against Kelly’s shoulder and his eyes were closed. Kelly was trying to drive smoothly so he didn’t make Matt’s nausea worse. They made it all the way to the hospital before Matt puked. He had just got out of the truck and leaned over by the rear tire and gagged. Kelly was right by his side, holding on to him and trying to comfort him in anyway he could.

“I’m sorry.” Matt whispered as Kelly grabbed a water from the front seat and handed it to Matt. 

“Don’t be sorry.” Kelly told him. “I’m just worried about you, babe, that’s all.” 

They walked inside and waited for Hallie to come get them. She had already been filled in on what was going on by not only Matt himself, but also Shay and Dawson. 

“Alright, Matt, can you lift your shirt please?” Hallie asked him. 

Matt nodded and did what he was told. 

“Okay, I’m going to press on a few places on your stomach… if it hurts, feels uncomfortable, abnormal, or makes the nausea worse let me know.” Hallie told him. “I’m going to start by your ribs and work my way down okay?”

She waited for him to nod before she did anything, and whenever she was going to move her hand to a new place she warned him. Matt was in complete control of the situation, he could tell Hallie to stop and she would. Once she got to his belly button she had him grab her wrist so he could stop her from moving if it got to be too much for him. Kelly was amazed at how well Hallie understood Matt. It took Kelly forever to help Matt be comfortable with a situation that involved intimate touching. Hallie seemed to know what Matt need before he voiced it, and she anticipated what he was thinking before he asked. 

“Alright, well it’s not from the surgery.” Hallie told him with a smile. “I think we should run some tests, if that’s alright with you?”

“Yeah, of course.” Matt nodded. 

“Alright, let’s start by drawing some blood?” Hallie looked to Matt for permission. 

When he nodded she moved to get the kit ready. 

“You’re doing great Matty.” Kelly told Matt as he rubbed his thumb over the back of the hand he was holding. 

“You can put your shirt down if you want.” Hallie told him. “I just need you to roll up your sleeve for me.” 

“Okay.” Matt pulled his shirt back down and rolled his sleeve up, exposing more of the scar that had been left there months ago by the melted glove. 

“I’ll go run the results right now, if you guys wait here I’ll be back shortly.” Hallie said. “Or if you’re hungry you can go get some food from the cafeteria and I could come find you.”

“I’ll wait here?” Matt said but it came out as more of a question. 

“Alright, that’s perfectly fine.” Hallie smiled and walked out the door, leaving it open a crack so Matt knew it was unlocked. 

Matt and Kelly passed the time by talking, mainly about the day. Then Kelly stole a pen from where he had seen the stash of pens Hallie took a pen from earlier. With that pen they started to play tic tac toe on the paper that covered the examination bed. 

Hallie came in not too much later after they had started playing the game and smiled at them. 

“I have the results.” Hallie told them with a smile on her face. “Matt, you’re pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG!!!!!!


	12. I'm Pregnant

The drive home was quiet. Matt sat against Kelly in the front seat, his head on Kelly’s shoulder, his hand on his stomach. Kelly had one hand on the steering wheel and the other next to Matt’s hand. They were processing everything Hallie had told them. They were going to be dads! 

After Kelly parked they didn’t move for a while. The truck wasn’t running anymore. There was no music playing. It was just them in the truck… and their not yet born baby. 

“How’re you feeling Matt?” Kelly asked after clearing his throat. 

“Still sick… but I’m not sure if it’s from the pregnancy or because I’m nervous.” Matt told him. 

“Why are you nervous?” 

“I haven’t exactly had the best history with being pregnant.” Matt shook his head then looked down at where Kelly and his own hands were. “We’re gonna be dads.” 

“I know!” Kelly’s squeal was anything but manly. 

“I’m going to be a dad.” Matt whispered before he started crying. 

“Hey, hey, Matty… what’s wrong?” Kelly asked his hands moving to Matt’s arms. 

“I’m just so fucking happy!” Matt laughed and cried. “God! Fuck! I wanted this so bad.” 

“I know baby.” Kelly said as he pulled him into his arms. “I want this too.” 

They stayed like that for longer than intended. Matt ha a lot of feelings to work out, and they were all coming out in tears and sobs as he clung to Kelly. Kelly had tears in his own eyes. He was happy and scared at the same time. 

“We have to tell Shay.” Matt said once he had calmed down a little. 

“But, Hallie said-”

“I know what Hallie said. But I need to tell Shay.” Matt told him. “She lives with us, and I’ll need her help.” 

“Okay.” Kelly nodded. “Whatever you need.”

“Thank you.” 

“Let’s go inside Matty.” Kelly smiled and got out of the car. 

Matt slid past the steering wheel and followed Kelly out of the truck. Once he was out of the truck, Kelly pulled him into another hug. Matt smiled and hugged back, knowing Kelly had been freaking out earlier. 

“Come on.” Matt grabbed his hand and walked him towards the front doors of the apartment. 

Once inside they were greeted by a frantically worried Shay. 

“What the hell!?” She yelled when the opened the door. “You texted that you were on your way an hour ago!”

“Sorry.” Matt said still clutching Kelly’s hand. 

“Why are your eyes all red “ Shay asked, fear present in her voice. “Why have you guys been crying?” 

“Shay…” Kelly said as he stepped forward. “Calm down.” 

“I will calm down once you tell me why you’ve been crying.” Shay said then looked to Matt. “What did Hallie say?” 

“I’m pregnant.” Matt told her, his smile widening as he did so. 

“What?” Shay looked from Kelly to Matt then started to laugh. “Oh my god! You’re pregnant!” 

“I am.” Matt smiled brightly as Shay walked over to him and wrapped him in a hug. 

Shay took a step back and caressed his face in her hands. “You’re going to be a dad!” 

“I am.” Matt replied, tears in both their eyes. 

“Hey, let’s not forget the man who put the baby in him.” Kelly smirked as he walked over and engulfed the two smaller humans in a hug. 

“I’m so happy!” Shay sobbed. “I’m going to be an aunt!” 

They celebrated that night by ordering pizza and watching movies. Shay had gone to Amazon and started putting together a baby registry and a list that she was going to buy. Everything was private because Matt and Kelly weren’t going to tell anyone until Matt was farther along. 

“So what are you going to do about work?” Shay asked. “People are going to freak if you suddenly stop showing up.” 

“I’m going to talk to Boden and request some time off, but for a while, I’m going to see if I can help Connie…” Matt looked over to Kelly and sighed. “I don’t want to go through the process of changing to a desk job if it’s not going to last.” 

“You’re worried huh?” Shay asked. 

“You know my history with being pregnant… Hallie says she’s hopeful that I’ll make it past the first trimester, but she also told us with everything… you know… we should be prepared.” Matt told Shay. “So we’re going to wait to tell everyone… just in case…” 

“Okay.” Shay nodded. “So… I’m going to hold off buying anything until you tell me I can.”

“That’s probably best.” Matt nodded. “Thank you.”

“You, that just means I’m going to be able to on a shopping spree.” Shay laughed. 

“Oh god!” Kelly groaned. “We’re going to be swimming in Amazon boxes.” 

“You know me so well.” 

The next day they took Matt’s truck to work. Matt drove while Kelly sat in the middle between Shay and Matt. Kelly’s arm closest to Matt had found its way behind Matt’s back and Kelly had his hand resting on Matt’s flat stomach. Kelly and Shay were busy talking about what room they were going to change into the baby’s room. Matt was smiling as he listened to his friend and his boyfriend talk about the baby. 

“Remember… no baby talk while at work.” Matt told them when he parked. 

“No fun.” Shay pouted. “Come get me if you need anything.”

“I will.” Matt nodded then walked with Kelly to the Chief’s office.

“Casey, Severide, what can I do for you this morning?” Boden asked. “How are you feeling Casey?”

“That’s actually what we came to talk to you about.” Matt said, glancing to Kelly who was shutting the door. 

“What’s wrong?” Boden asked eyeing both his Lieutenants. 

“Nothing is wrong.” Kelly said. 

“I’m pregnant.” Matt said. 

“Congratulations!” Boden smiled and moved to shake Matt and Kelly’s hands. 

“We’re not telling anyone yet.” Kelly said. “Hallie thought it would be better to wait.”

“Just in case…” Matt looked down at his hands. 

“I see.” Boden looked from Kelly to Matt. “How can I help?”

“It’s too dangerous for Matt to keep working…” Kelly said. “And if he suddenly stopped showing up… It would raise questions… and he needs money.” 

“I was wondering if I could help Connie out?” Matt asked. “She’s been talking about going on vacation, and she never takes time off, so I could take over for her…”

“I think Connie would like that.” Boden nodded. “I’ll talk to her and see what I can do.”

“Thanks, Chief.” Matt said. 

“You’ll have to figure out something to tell your men.” Boden said. “Though after the year you’ve had, I’m sure they would all understand you taking a step back.”

Matt nodded. “Will you excuse me?”

Matt stood and quickly walked towards the bathroom.

“Morning sickness?” Boden asked as he looked to Severide. 

“You know, the name is misleading.” Severide sighed. “He’s sick all the time.” 

“He’ll be alright.” Boden said as he clapped a hand onto Kelly’s shoulder. “Casey is strong and he will fight for your baby.” 

“Thanks, Chief.” Severide smiled. “I’m going to go check on him.”

“Go.” Boden nodded. “He can take some time off if he needs until the nausea calms down.” 

“Thanks, I’ll tell him.” Severide said. 

Kelly found Matt sitting on the floor in one of the stalls. Matt was pale and green with a sheen of sweat on his forehead. Kelly hurt for his boyfriend. Matt hated getting sick at work, he hated showing any kind of weakness or illness in front of anyone especially while he was at work. 

“Kel… why is this happening?” Matt was almost crying as he sat on the floor. “I shouldn’t be this sick… I’ve never… It’s not been like this before.”

“Hey, it’s okay Matty.” Kelly said as he moved to kneel in front of Matt. “You’ve never been this far along before.”

“But…” Matt took a couple breaths then shook his head. “You’re right, I’m overreacting.”

“No, you’re just scared.” Kelly said as he ran his fingers over Matt’s cheeks to wipe away the tears. “And that is not something to be ashamed of. This is scary. I’m scared too.”

Matt nodded and let a few more tears fall down his face before he took a breath and wiped his hand down his face. 

“I should get off the floor before someone comes in.” Matt said, letting Kelly help him off the floor. 

“Boden said you can take some time off until the puking stops.” Kelly told his boyfriend. “I think it’s a good idea.” 

“Yeah…” Matt nodded. “I think this is just the start of it.” 

“Go home, take a nap, relax.” Kelly told him then kissed his forehead. “Keep texting me all day.”

“I don’t want to distract you.” Matt sighed. 

“I’ll be more distracted if I don’t know how you are.” Kelly told him. 

Matt nodded and went to rinse his mouth. “Do you want me to leave the truck, or come pick you up after work?” 

“Shay and I’ll catch a ride with Dawson.” Kelly told him. 

Matt nodded and went to the Chief’s office to tell him he was going to take the day, and possibly the next day off too. Boden agreed and told him to rest. With that Matt left to go home. 

It didn’t take long for the firehouse to be worried about Casey. 

“Hey, Severide…” Cruz said as he ran up to the Lieutenant. “What’s up with Casey?” 

“He’s sick.” Severide replied without missing a beat. 

“How sick?” Cruz asked. 

“Sick sick.” Severide sighed. “He’s been puking and is tired, but he’s fine.”

“He was here earlier.” Otis said coming up and standing next to Cruz. “But he left. Why?”

“He’s sick, that’s why.” Severide was getting frustrated. “He thought he was better, but he’s not so he went home. Any more questions?”

Cruz and Otis shook their heads. 

“God Severide,” Shay scoffed as she walked over to defuse the tension. “They’re just worried about Casey. We all are.” 

“Casey is fine, he’s just not feeling well.” Severide said loud enough so everyone in the room could hear. 

With that, he walked to his office and shut the door. He pulled out his phone and called Matt. 

“Sev, it’s been an hour since you last called, I’m fine.” Matt answered. “So is the baby.” 

“I know…” Kelly smiled at the mention of their baby. “I just wanted to hear your voice.”

“You’re weird.” 

“What are you doing?” Kelly asked. 

“I’m laying on our bed… shivering.” Matt sighed. “The AC in the building is stuck on.”

“Matt, don’t get too cold, you could get sick and then the baby would get sick and-” 

“Kelly, I’m fine.” Matt shook his head. “I’m shivering because I took a shower and when I got out the AC was on. You called me before I could get dressed.” 

“Oh, sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry.” Matt told him. “I know you’re just worried about us.” 

“I love you.” Kelly told him. 

“I love you too.” Matt smiled. “Go do some work. Call me in an hour.” 

“Yes, sir.” Kelly smirked into the phone. “Bye, call me if you need something.” 

“Bye Severide.” Matt said then hung up the phone. 

Matt got dressed and climbed under the covers in bed. He rested his hands on his stomach and smiled down to where his hands rested.

“You’re going to be so loved.” Matt whispered. “Just… don’t die. Okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay:)


	13. Merry Christmas

Matt stayed home from work for a week. On the third day he was home Shay had called Hallie because she was worried Matt was becoming dehydrated… he was. Do the girls set him up with IV liquids and Hallie spent the day with him. After by the sixth day he was feeling better, he wasn’t as nauseous and he could actually keep a meal down. So he went back to work the next shift. 

He had been working with Connie when he started to feel light headed. He decided to take a break and go lay down in Severide’s office, but he only made it halfway before he fainted. Luckily Herman has been nearby and caught him before he hit the ground. Herman has freaked out after that, watching Casey drop like dead weight to the floor brought up unpleasant memories. After calling for Shay and Dawson, Herman told the Chief that Matt needed to go home, he then told Kelly to take him home and call Hallie. Herman feared Matt had suffered a head injury during one of recent ‘close calls’. 

It turned out he wasn’t wrong, Matt did have an unfounded head injury that had been overlooked because everyone thought it was a bad concussion and there were more pressing injuries that needed attention. It wasn’t bad though, and because he was just working at a desk right now, Hallie didn’t think it was something that required too much treating. 

But Matt has fainted in the middle of the firehouse, everyone had seen, everyone was worried, and everyone told him to take some more time off. So he did. 

Kelly walked into the apartment carrying his duffle bag and some groceries. He smiled when he saw Matt sleeping on the couch. His feet were on the coffee table, his laptop on his thighs, and his head was leaning back at an odd angle. 

“Babe, that can’t be comfortable.” Kelly said to wake his boyfriend up. 

“Oh… hey.” Matt greeted still groggy from his migraine-induced nap. “What time is it?” 

“Just after three.” Kelly told him. “It started snowing.” 

“Looks like it’ll be a white Christmas.” Matt smiled then put his hand on his stomach. 

“How are you and baby?” 

“We are good.” Matt smiled wider. “I talked to Hallie earlier and she says I’ve reached far enough along that she isn’t too worried about a miscarriage.” 

“Really?” Kelly put the stuff down and rushed to Matt to hug him. “That’s amazing baby!” 

“We can tell people now.” Matt said. “Hallie said there is always a chance for a miscarriage… especially for me, but it’s less likely now.” 

“We should tell everyone at the party tonight.” Kelly said excitedly, then pulled out his phone. “I gotta call Shay!”

“Why? She’s gonna be home soon right?” 

“She’ll want to pick something up before she gets home.” Kelly winked the put his phone to his ear. 

Matt just chuckled and put his laptop away. He was excited for the Christmas party tonight, he had been going a little stir crazy. Matt could hear Shay cheering happily through the phone and smiled. 

“Ask her to pick me up some sparkling cider for the party tonight.” Matt told Kelly.

Kelly nodded and relaid the message to Shay who agreed happily and said her goodbyes so she could go to the store and probably buy something for the baby. 

“Take a shower with me?” Kelly asked when he had pocketed his phone. 

“Of course.” Matt nodded and followed Kelly to the bathroom. 

The moment Kelly has the door shut he had Matt against it. He was overly gentle, not wanting to hurt Matt or the baby. Somehow, Kelly had managed to undress himself and Matt without ever breaking contact. He had also turned the shower on, remembering Matt enjoyed the shower to be warm but not HOT but also not cool. 

The shower was less about getting clean and more about being as close as possible. They did manage to clean themselves and by the end of the shower, they were both out of breath. 

Kelly got out of the shower first and wrapped Matt in one of their large fluffy towels. Matt could tell Kelly was working through something in his mind and needed to take care of Matt in any way he could. Matt didn’t mind. 

The party wasn’t for a few hours so Kelly got a pair of his sweatpants and his Academy sweatshirt for Matt to wear. Once they were both changed Kelly took Matt’s hand and brought him to the front room where he wrapped them both in a blanket as they cuddled in the couch. 

“How’s your head?” Kelly whispered as he ran his fingers through Matt’s hair.

“I had a migraine earlier, but it’s better now.” Matt told him then purred. “That feels good.” 

Kelly nodded. 

It didn’t take long for Matt to fall asleep, his cheek pressed to Kelly’s chest. Kelly laid there, running his fingers through Matt’s hair that was getting longer than it usually was and thinking about the baby. Kelly was almost in tears as he focused on his hip where Matt’s stomach was pressed against. Their child was there. Their child. His child. 

“Kel?” Shay whispered, pulling Kelly out of his thoughts. “How’s he doing?” 

“Good, I think.” Kelly sighed. “He had a migraine earlier and was asleep when I got home… he seems really tired.” 

“He’s going get tired a lot easier than before, partly due to pregnancy and partly due to the head injury. “ Shay told him. “It’s good he’s sleeping.” 

Kelly just nodded and kissed Matt’s head. 

“What did you buy?” Matt whispered against Kelly’s chest. 

“Mmm….. It’s a surprise.” Shay smirked and reached down to feel Matt’s forehead. “You don’t have a fever… that’s good. Are you nauseous or dizzy?”

“Sleepy.” Matt replied then nuzzled his face into Kelly’s neck. 

“Okay, why don’t you take a nap and Kel and I will wake you in time to get ready for the party?” Shay offered. 

Matt just nodded and snuggled as close to Kelly as he could then fell asleep. 

Kelly and Shay sat in the living room and talked while Matt napped. They had been doing that a lot recently. Matt would get too tired to stay awake but wouldn’t want to be alone so he would doze on the couch while Shay and Kelly talked or watched tv. 

About an hour before they needed to be at the party, Kelly woke Matt up with kisses. Matt smiled and kissed back, he loved waking up to Kelly rather than alarms. 

“Party time?” Matt asked with a yawn.

“Yep, Shay is already getting ready.” Kelly told him then laughed. “We should go get ready, we don’t want to keep Shay waiting.” 

Matt laughed and allowed Kelly to pull him up from the couch and lead him to their bedroom. Kelly sat Matt on the bed and grabbed his clothes out for him. 

“You know I can do this for myself.” Matt told him. “I’m tired not injured.” 

“Babe, you are injured.” Kelly told him. “You are also pregnant with my child, therefore I must treat you like a prince.”

“Oh really?” 

“You deserve to be treated like a prince.” Kelly told him. “Even when you’re not pregnant.” 

“I’ll make sure to remind you of that after the baby is born.” Matt chuckled and placed his hand on his stomach. “When do you think I’ll start showing?” 

“Soon?” 

Matt pouted. “I should be showing now.” 

“Hallie will be at the party tonight, let’s talk to her.” Kelly suggested. “I’m sure it’s fine.”

Matt agreed and they finished getting ready. Shay was the first one done. She was wearing a Christmas sweater that had the words “Gay Apparel” knitted on the front, skinny jeans, and high heel combat boots. To top off the look she was also wearing a Santa hat. 

“Come on gays!” Shay yelled. “We’re going to be late!” 

“We’re coming!” Kelly yelled back as he and Matt walked out fully dressed and ready to go. “Don’t get your thong up your ass.” 

“Jokes on you, it’s already there.” Shay smirked and walked over to Matt and put her arms around his shoulders. “I’m so proud of you.” 

Matt smiled and engulfed her in a hug. “Thank you, Shay.”

They load Matt’s truck with Christmas presents and the food they had prepared. Kelly fussed over Matt for a moment, making sure he was feeling okay and that he wasn’t going to get too cold. Matt put up with Kelly being a mother hen because he knew his boyfriend was worried. It was still very new, and Kelly was scared he would lose both Matt and the baby. Kelly knew that if they lost the baby he would not be able to go on without Matt, and he also knew that while he would be devastated they lost the baby, but Matt would not survive. Kelly knew if he lost one of them, he’d lose them both. 

“He’s fine Kelly, we’re going to be late.” Shay sighed and put her arm around his shoulder. “You can’t wrap him in bubble wrap, that wouldn’t be good for the baby.”

“I’m leaving without you two if you don’t get in the car.” Matt told them, already sitting in the driver’s seat with the music on and engine running. 

“Fine.” Kelly pouted and slid into the middle seat. 

Once everyone was in the truck, Matt started to drive. It didn’t take long for them to get to the firehouse, they lived close and the roads were pretty clear. Kelly was buzzing with excitement, he was ready to tell everyone he was going to be a dad. Matt was excited as well, but he was worried. He didn’t know how everyone would take it. He hadn’t been the best Lieutenant lately, he was taking too many days off, he hadn’t seen half of his team for nearly two weeks, and now he was going to tell him he wasn’t going to be working with them for another couple months… 

“So how are we going to tell everyone?” Shay asked as she bounced in her seat a little. “Cause, I had an idea.” 

“What’s the plan, Shay?” Kelly chuckled as he kissed Matt’s ear. 

“Gross.” Matt mumbled as shivers tingled through his body. 

“Well, I’m glad you asked.” Shay smiled. “I may have bought something or the baby and wrapped it. I was thinking I’d put it under the tree and while we are exchanging gifts someone will be like ‘Oh, this is for Casey and Severide’ and then you will be like ‘oh yeah! That must be the gift from Shay!’ and then Matt will go ‘Huh, I wonder what it could be.’ AND THEN you guys will open it and everyone will be like ‘What the fuck? Why did she get them that? That is for babies.’ then it will click and everyone will be happy and they will cry because they are so happy and then you guys will cry and I will cry and then we will all be crying and then Matt will be like ‘Can I leave?’ and we will force him to hug everyone.”

“Okay.” Matt nodded. “I like that plan.” 

“Really?” Kelly complained. “Why are you agreeing to this? She’s crazy!”

“Yes, but she makes good plans.” Matt chuckled. “Thank you, Shay.”

“Anything for my boys and my baby.” Shay smiled. “Oh, yeah, I claim your child as mine. Thought you may want to know.”

“Excuse you! I put that baby in there.” Kelly argued. 

“Yes, but she’s Leslie Shay.” Matt told him as he pulled into the driveway of the firehouse. “Everything that is ours is hers.”

“Including your unborn child.” Shay laughed happily as she jumped out of the truck.

Kelly chuckled, “Good to know.” 

After grabbing everything from the truck they walked into the firehouse. Shay had run ahead of them but was still waiting so they would go in together. 

“Come on! You two are so slow!” Shay complained as she stood by the door. “We are LATE!”

“You and Kelly were the ones who wouldn’t get in the fucking car.” Matt laughed. “So don’t blame this on me.”

“Casey!” Dawson called when she saw them walking in. “You made it.”

“Couldn’t miss this.” Matt said as he hugged her with one arm, his other holding a tray of food stacked on some presents. 

“Casey, good to see you up and around.” Mouch said from his spot on the couch. 

“Good to see you… on the couch.” Matt smirked as he joked with Mouch. 

“Ha ha ha.” Mouch replied. 

After saying hello to everyone, putting the food on the table, and putting the presents under the tree, Kelly attached himself to Matt. Kelly was always touching Matt. Holding his hand. His arm around Matt’s shoulders. A hand in Matt’s back pocket. A hand on the small of Matt’s back. ALWAYS TOUCHING. Matt understood Kelly was worried. This was the first time they had really been out of the apartment since finding out about the baby. And to top it all off, they were telling everyone tonight about the baby. 

“Present time!” Shay announced suddenly from where she was sitting on the coffee table talking to Dawson and Peter Mills.

“Before we do presents, I’d like to say something.” Boden said as he stood. 

Everyone was quiet as they watched their Chief. Shay had pulled Dawson to the table so they were sitting next to each other, arms wrapped around one another. Kelly and Matt sat on the couch with Mouch. Kelly had pulled Matt onto his lap at some point and he was content on resting his head against Matt’s back and wrapping his arms around Matt’s waist so he could hold Matt’s stomach without bringing too much attention to it. Hallie sat next to Shay and Dawson, the youngest Darden boy sitting on her lap. Heather stood next to Cindy and Herrmann. The Herrmann kids sat next to the tree with the eldest Darden boy. Cruz and Otis sat at the table with Capp, Connie, and some the guys from Squad. 

“This year has been a rough one. We’ve had far too many close calls, and we’ve had some devastating calls. I know it is easy to focus on the bad, we can all feel something is off, we can feel the absence of those not with us. We have lost husbands, wives, brothers, fathers, sisters, mothers, best friends, children, and loved ones this year. We’ve lost too many of our own. But look around, we still have our family, we’re all hurting and broken, but we are held together and strengthened by our family right here.” Boden took a breath and glanced down at his hands then looked out at his family, then made eye contact with Matt. “The house hasn’t been the same since Andy… and Matt. I can feel the hurt of everyone in the room, but we cannot focus on that. We cannot focus on the sadness. We have saved so many lives this year, we have saved homes, families, pets, cars, everything. We have saved ourselves and each other. Look around you, you’ve gained family. So while we remember those who are not with us, and celebrate those we miss, I would like to toast to our family, may it strengthen and grow.”

Everyone raised their glasses and toasted. Some stood to hug others, some walked over to Boden and hugged him, thanking him for his words. Kelly and Matt stood planning to go thank the Chief, but Matt couldn’t hold back his tears and ended up crumbling into Kelly’s arms and crying into his chest. Kelly moved them to the corner of the room so they could have some privacy until they both stopped crying, but more so Matt wouldn’t be embarrassed about sobbing in the middle of the firehouse. 

Boden walked over to them and put his hand on Casey’s shoulder. Matt turned and looked at his Chief for a moment. There were tears still streaming down his cheeks, but he wasn’t sobbing anymore. 

“Thank you, Chief.” Matt said. “We all needed to hear that.” 

Boden nodded and patted Matt’s shoulder before walking over to Shay. 

“I think Shay said it was present time.” Boden announced as he allowed Shay to wrap her arms around him and cling to him for a moment. 

The kids passed out the presents and opened their own. Torn wrapping paper and tissue paper covered the floor, people were laughing, and ‘THANK YOU!’s were being yelled in every direction. Matt sat with Kelly, Shay, Dawson, and Hallie on the floor near the couch. After everyone was close to finishing unwrapping their presents Shay smiled and grabbed Matt’s leg. 

“Hey, Lee Henry! I think there is one more present under the tree, could you grab it for me?” Shay called to the eldest Herrmann child. 

“Yeah!” Lee Henry smiled and handed the present to Shay. “Here, Aunt Shay.” 

“Who’s it to?” Shay asked when she didn’t take the present. 

“Uhmmm…. Uncle Matt and Severide.” Lee Henry told her then handed the present to Casey. “Here, Uncle Matt, this is for you.” 

“Thank you, Lee Henry.” Matt smiled and took the present. 

“OPEN IT!” Shay and Hallie cheered as they held onto each other. 

Matt and Kelly both ripped the paper off and Kelly lifted the lid to the box as Matt held the bottom of the box. They both started to laugh when they saw what was in the box. 

“Shay, this is too much.” Matt told her. 

“Shut up, It’s from Hallie too.” Shay said.

“There’s more in there!” Hallie said excitedly. 

The first thing they saw was the plush monkey that was wearing turnout gear and a fire hat. Kelly pulled that out and set it on the coffee table next to them. Next was the outfit. It was tiny turnout gear, a knitted fire helmet, knitted boots, and a onesie that had the Firehouse 51 logo on it. Matt pulled out the outfit and looked it over. 

“It’s so small.” Matt whispered to Kelly. 

“Oh my god, look at the blanket.” Kelly said when he saw the baby blanket that had fire trucks and ambulances on it. 

“There’s one more thing in there.” Hallie said as she held onto Shay’s shoulders. 

Matt pulled out the bib set that was doctor themed, they had a picture of a stethoscope that wrapped around the neck and looked like the front of a lab coat. 

“These are awesome thank you.” Matt told them. 

“Here…” Hallie said as she handed them another box. “I already had this… but Shay made me wait to give it to you.” 

In the box was a full doctor outfit. A onesie that looked like scrubs, knitted booties that looked like scrub shoes, a surgeon's hat, and a lab coat. There was also a plush giraffe that was dressed as a doctor and a plush unicorn that was dressed as an EMT. There were more onesies in the box that say things like “Future EMT”, “My daddy fights fires”, and “HOT STUFF” on them. At the bottom of the box was a baby blanket that had “Firehouse 51” and the logo on it. 

“You guys are amazing.” Matt said holding back tears. 

“Thank you so much.” Kelly smiled as he held onto Matt. 

“What’s going on?” Lee Henry asked when he saw Dawson and his mom start crying. “Why are you sad?”

“We’re not sad.” Herrmann told his son, his own eyes filling with tears. “We’re happy.”

“Why?” 

“Matt’s pregnant buddy.” Kelly told him as he let tears fall from his eyes. “We’re happy because we’re going to have a baby.” 

“Congratulations.” Mouch said from behind his friends, tears falling silently down his own cheeks. 

“How far along are you?” Heather asked as she knelt next to them so she could hug Matt. 

“Couple months…” Matt told her quietly. “Second trimester.”

“That’s great!” Heather cried. “That’s- congratulations!” 

“Casey, Severide…” Boden stood in front of them and held something behind his back. “I know you said you didn’t want to tell anyone, and I didn’t, but I did buy something for you the day you told me.”

“Oh, Chief, you didn’t have to.” Matt said, still holding onto Heather. “Really.”

“Matt, you guys are family.” Boden said. “And so is your little one… It’s not wrapped, I didn’t know you were telling everyone today.”

Boden handed Kelly a plush brown bear that was dressed as a fire chief. 

“Thank you, Chief.” Kelly smiled. 

“Kel-” Matt said with a sob getting his boyfriend’s attention.

Kelly’s heart stopped at the sound. “What? What’s wrong baby?”

Matt just shook his head then hid his face in Kelly’s neck. Healther started to rub his back as Matt cried into Kelly. Shay and Hallie were right there ready to step in if something was really wrong. 

“Come on baby, you gotta talk to me.” Kelly whispered. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m crying.” Matt’s voice broke with another sob. “W-why?”

Shay let out a laugh and threw her arms around her boys. 

“Matty, you’re crying because you’re happy and you feel loved.” Hallie told him. “You can’t really control if you cry or not, not with the baby playing with your hormones.”

Matt nodded but didn’t move from Kelly’s arms. 

“Babe, do you want to go somewhere private?” Kelly whispered into Matt’s ear, knowing he didn’t like crying in front of people. 

Matt shook his head. “No… I wanna stay here, with everyone.” 

“Alright, just take your time and breathe baby.” Kelly told him as he rubbed his hand on the back of Matt’s neck. “We’re all here for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's January 1st... but here's an x-mas chapter. Happy New Year!


End file.
